It is all very well having your true love send you a long list of extraordinary items for Christmas, but it can be a challenge for those of us who want to shop local. So this week I’m presenting my guide for anyone wanting to source every item sung in “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”
As we all know, on the first day my true love sends a partridge in a pear tree. Assuming you don’t leave your shopping until the last minute, pear trees are fairly easy to find at any garden center or home improvement store like Menards or Home Depot. Realistically you’d have to make your purchase in spring, but I guess you could always keep it going in a pot until the holiday season. I mean, Christmas trees are so last year. Why not surprise your partner with a pear tree instead?
Partridges, unfortunately, do present more of a challenge. I couldn’t find a live one anywhere in Naperville, so I suggest buying a decorative one from Michael’s craft store. They’re far less expensive and won’t leave feathers all over the floor.
On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me two turtle doves. If you’re a perfectionist, you’ll also want to send another partridge in a pear tree but personally I think one’s enough. Fortunately turtle doves are much easier to find. In fact I have a couple who live right outside my townhome in what I guess you’d call a towntree because their nest is three stories high. Not sure how easy capturing them would be, but since I live with my one true love, I guess I could just point them out over breakfast.
The good news is you don’t have to travel all the way to France to find a French hen. Paris Bistro is a popular south Naperville restaurant that offers a couple of poulet choices so as long as you don’t want to keep your French hen in your yard, it’s a tasty way to make sure your list is complete.
Turns out the four calling birds aren’t calling at all, but technically colly birds. More commonly known as blackbirds, there are 19 types in Illinois so it should be fairly easy to find them. Unlike the popular English nursery rhyme, I’m not suggesting you add another 20 and bake them into a pie although I guess it would stop them from flying away.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me five golden rings. This is possibly the easiest thing to find. Naperville has many wonderful jewelers, some of whom will even design rings for you. But if you are teetering on breaking your budget, try some curtain rings from JoAnn’s fabrics.
Six geese a laying. Much like the pear tree, you need to shop early for next year if you want one of these. Geese, which can be found in almost any open space in Naperville when you’re trying to walk your dog, lay eggs in February or March. Not quite sure how you’ll stop them from laying until December, but perhaps a lullaby would at least get them to lie down.
I couldn’t find any swans in Naperville. The closest is Swan’s Quality Christmas Trees on Royal St George Drive. The business is owned by brothers Lonnie and Gary Swan, but you’d have to ask them if they have five more family members they could take for a swim.
I’m not exactly sure if you’d find eight maids a milking at Oberweis Dairy, but you would find some deliciously creamy ice cream sold by eight ladies across their stores and other places like Jewel-Osco.
There are probably thousands of ladies who dance in Naperville, but one place you’d be sure to find a group of nine is at one of Naperville Park District’s ballet classes. If learning ballet is one of your New Year’s resolutions, you can sign up for their adult beginner program, which starts on Jan. 8. That way you’ll be super prepared for next year, because if you’re proficient by then, you’ll only need to find eight more.
To be fair, we don’t have a lot of lords in Naperville. In my hometown in England, you can practically bump into one while out shopping and it’s even more likely if you’re buying a partridge at the Fortnum & Mason store.
My favorite lord is Andrew Lloyd Webber, the famous composer of Phantom of the Opera, although I’ve never seen him leap. On this side of the pond, my favorite is Ann Lord, the witty longtime moderator of the Naperville Municipal Band. While she’s still sprightly in her 90s, I think her leaping days are behind her. But I imagine that, like the Swans, she probably has 10 family members more than willing to take up the challenge.
The Firefighters Highland Guard of Naperville should be able to hook you up with 11 pipers piping because when they’re not fighting fires, they are playing their bagpipes for local parades and events. The bagpipes provide a mournful soundtrack at funerals but since Christmas is a happy event, I’m sure they’ll provide some jolly tunes for your Christmas party — if you have room for it in your home with all your recent gifts vying for space.
Finding drummers is easy. Naperville Central High School should be able to fix you up with 12 without skipping a beat. The school is famous for its drum show, which has been going for more than 20 years. A kind of Blue Man Group meets STOMP, they will ensure a great finale for your true love.
Hilary Decent is a freelance journalist who moved to Naperville from England in 2007.
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