“John K. Stanton of Crystal Lake passed away in February, 2019. Funeral Mass on Friday, March 1, at 11:00 AM.”
This simple obituary, which included the names of John’s wife and family members, appeared in the online Daily Herald four years ago.
I couldn’t help but think at the time that many obituaries, maybe most, don’t begin to scratch the surface of a person’s life story. A few short paragraphs are inadequate in describing a full life.
Along with Tom Madden, John was my senior-year college roommate during the 1968-69 school year. We lived together in a small apartment in DeKalb during that time, and learned a lot about one another. We became friends, and stayed in touch until the time of John’s passing. His life was much more full than a short obituary could begin to summarize.
Hollywood has produced many movies of the coming-of-age genre, and I’ve enjoyed some of those over the years. But I’ve often thought that we three “housemates” lived out a “coming-of-age” during that sliver of time more than five decades ago.
People who live together don’t always get along perfectly, but John, Tom and I did pretty well and together experienced a most stressful year of personal growth with important life decisions. The year was certainly like that for me. To say that there were some long discussions would be an understatement.
As I look back, my thought has been that we were fortunate to have each other as friends and to provide some stability for one another.
“I think that was true, and we did have things in common,” Tom said when I recently talked with him. “But we were all a little different and each of us had different perspectives. This was a good thing.”
The United States was in a tumultuous age as the Vietnam War was raging full blast. It permeated the lives of young people, especially young men, because so many were being drafted and killed during that time. But there were also other important life decisions facing us – taking the correct classes, scheduling job interviews, and preparing for marriage as Tom was. Two of us had parents who were suffering major health problems that year. There was much anxiety as we attempted to come of age. Having live-in friends was a real advantage.
An advantage of having John with us was that he was two years older, and, incredibly, had returned to school that year after having been drafted and serving in Vietnam. He had been in the real world, and was kind of like an older brother who had been around, according to Tom.
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We also began to realize during that year that it was, after all, our final year in school. This was also part of the “reality slap.”
“We were always going to have more school, but that year, probably not,” Tom said.
Speaking for myself, I think I gained some confidence and life skills not so much because of what my friends would say, but also by observing the people that they were, and how they carried themselves during difficult times. You get lucky a few times in your life, and living with those two was one of those times for me. They were great guys back in the day, and they became great men.
Tom Madden was, and is, a wonderful and caring person. He was a faithful son and brother, and became a wonderful husband, father and grandfather. He developed excellent communication skills, and was an outstanding teacher, principal and school superintendent. Over the years, he has given many workshops for teachers and parents. He is about the best friend that anyone could ask for.
And in giving a final tribute to our dear friend John, so many things come into our memories.
“I was always impressed with John because he knew something about a whole lot of things,” Tom said. “He was a curious learner who would dig in, and this was long before the internet.”
John was one of the most well-rounded and interesting people you could ever meet. He was passionate about science, Scouting, nature, conservation and music. He was proud to have gone on an African safari. With his chemistry major, he became very successful in a steel-treating business, and had high-profile industrial clients.
He and his wife Kay did not have children, but he probably would have been a wonderful father. In Scouting especially, he loved kids. He was active in his parish, and served as sacristan in helping with funerals. He dealt with health problems during all of his post-military years, but they never slowed him down and we never heard him complain.
He was a jokester and loved to laugh. We watched the Smothers Brothers and Pat Paulsen’s “campaign” for president, and he introduced us to satirist Tom Lehrer and comedian Stan Freeberg. We laughed until we sometimes cried in that apartment.
We miss his smile and laugh, but also his wisdom. We came of age with John, but also learned from him and became better people.
Reminisce with family and friends about the years in which you came of age and about the people who helped you along the way. Every story is unique, and you may bring back a smile or two.
Tom Strong is a freelance reporter for The Beacon-News.