Every month I type, print and mail letters to my to adult children.
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It would be easier to send via email. But this father wants his children to have a tangible, written record of our shared history from this age of text messages and pictures shared on social media.
By sharing this experience with readers, I hope to inspire other dads to consider writing letters to their children, grandchildren or other family members.
I began writing the letters last year after a divorce to let my kids know I love them and that I’m proud of them. I’m not one to call or text without a good reason, and since they’re both on their own now I wanted to make sure I stayed in regular contact with them.
I told them I wanted them to know how they’re more important to me than anything else in my life. I think it’s important for fathers to say that to their children. I had a great relationship with my amazing father. I realize it’s important for fathers to express their love, because many children work very hard to make their fathers proud of them.
I tell my kids about growing up with my brothers and sisters as the youngest of 12 children. I’m very blessed to be part of a huge support network, and I wanted my kids to know their family will be there for them if they ever need help.
I worry whether parents of young children today are preserving present memories for future generations. Ironically, we seem to be sharing more than ever. Social media is flooded with posts by proud parents.
We seem to be good at capturing moments. But what about saving them? Uploading pictures to Facebook hardly guarantees they will be accessible for eternity. How many people even print out pictures anymore?
I imagine some people likely print and frame a few images. But does anyone still print a lot of pictures and put them in photo albums? Is scrapbooking still a thing? If so, I assume moms are much more likely than dads to engage in such activities.
Thank goodness moms are on the ball and thinking about saving memories. Still, dads should think about how they could hand down something in their own voice. As a writer, letters were an obvious choice for me.
My father might have inspired the idea. He wrote letters to my mother when he served in World War II. She kept all his letters in a box. She wrote him back, but he didn’t save those letters.
I look forward to writing the letters every month. I keep a list of potential topics. I don’t think I’ll run out of subject matter any time soon. Sometimes I’ll start with a paragraph or two about what I’ve been up to recently. But overall I try to avoid writing something like those annual updates people share during the holiday season.
I try to impart words of wisdom and describe experiences that might help them understand why I’m the person I am. The hope is that this may help them understand why they are who they are, if that makes sense.
For example, I explained how both my parents had a strong work ethic, and how they got that from their parents. I described how I doctored a copy of my birth certificate so I could get my first job as a dishwasher in a restaurant when I was 14.
Our parents taught us to save part of every paycheck and every gift check received for birthdays and other occasions. That money came in handy when I became an adult and needed to buy things like cars and houses.
I’ve told them about different jobs I’ve had and places I’ve visited on vacations. I’ve shared lessons I’ve learned about the importance of good nutrition, exercise and other healthy habits. Learn from my mistakes, kids.
They were at the hospital when I survived a near-fatal heart attack in 2014. I was nearly 50 years old before I understood the importance of developing good coping mechanisms to manage stress.
Sometimes I think it is a shame that I missed a lot of opportunities for various dumb reasons. But I also have come to appreciate that is unhealthy to let regrets consume you. I’ve found it’s best to live in the moment, though not always easy because past events and future concerns are always trying to steal your attention.
I think writing letters every month benefits me as much as my children. I feel good knowing I’m making an effort to maintain strong relationships. I like filling both sides of a page with single spaced type. The length is manageable, and the monthly interval feels just right.
I don’t know if I would ever be inclined to write a memoir. But if I keep writing letters every month there might be enough material for a book after several years.
While I may have a good thing going with the written letters, I remain concerned about preserving pictures and video. Years ago I had the responsibility of getting old movies our dad recorded on 8 mm film copied onto DVDs. But who uses a DVD player anymore?
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Maybe artificial intelligence technology will resolve all my family history preservation concerns. Perhaps we’re on the cusp of the ability to create holograms of people today so they can wish happy birthday to their future descendants long after they have parted this Earth.
In the meantime, I’ll type, print and mail my letters. I like addressing envelopes by hand and putting stamps on them. I enjoy the thrill of receiving personal letters when I open the mailbox.
I wish everyone a happy Father’s Day this Sunday.
Ted Slowik is a columnist for the Daily Southtown.