It’s great that we’re all about convenience and transparency and being green and everyone getting exactly what they want these days, but, for a few minutes, can we wax nostalgic about a time when bridal showers were none of these things?
You know, decades ago, when the only thing a bride-to-be knew about her impending shower was it would likely be in a relative’s basement and, God willing, she would not show up wearing cut-off shorts.
It was a time when a shower was expected to be a complete surprise. Not only was the date of the event unknown to the engaged couple, but the gifts they received were often surprises too.
Before technology, before gift registry and before we all knew how bad wrapping paper is for the environment, invitees had to physically go into the retail world, buy an item, lug it home, wrap it on the kitchen table and haul it to the event.
An aunt, a sister, maybe even the mother would plan the bash and everyone in her circle would get busy planning what they would make for the meal, what they would wear on the big day and what they would give to the couple.
A family member might casually ask the betrothed what colors they planned for their kitchen or their bedroom, and then gift givers would do their best to find a yellow comforter or blue towels. Rarely did a bride express her desires in specifics like most do these days: “Matcha Green KitchenAid Artisan Series 5 Quart Tilt-Head Stand Mixer, please.”
I guess you could say the system also was challenging for the receiver, who, if she received duplicates, or didn’t like a particular item, had to circle back with the purchaser, get the receipt and then return it to the store where it was bought.
But they also were heartwarming and personal events, when friends and family, drawing on insight, intel and experience, truly thought about what another couple might want or appreciate. And, often, the results were surprisingly pleasant. Sometimes they were even homemade, like the brown-and-orange afghan blanket my mother crocheted for us.
Everyone watched as the bride-to-be opened gifts. Someone was in charge of collecting trash and someone else would keep track of who gave what, simplifying the thank you card process.
I recently asked women of a certain age — OK, my friends — to tell me about their wedding showers.
We’re going back some years and yet each one vividly recalled their special day and many of the presents they received, some of which they’re still using today: good quality towels, a hand mixer, a blender, dishes, bedding.
Similarly, I remember many of the things family and friends gave us back when my husband and I were getting started in the early ’80s.
My mom’s best friend Carol gave me a small black-and-white TV that I used – no, cherished – until it died some 25 years later. I kept it in my kitchen so I could watch the news while cooking and so my kids could watch “Little Bear” and “Gullah, Gullah Island” while they ate lunch.
In addition to the blanket, my parents gave me a hope chest, which I also still have, although I did have the fabric top reupholstered. Today, it is filled with the remnants of my wedding — invitations, guest book, photos.
I also clearly remember my shower, held in my Aunt Grace’s basement. There were streamers and the lacey umbrella that magically appeared at all of our extended family’s showers. We lunched on fried chicken and sandwiches as well as homemade Jell-O salad and a bakery cake.
The event was a surprise but because my aunt was famous in our circle for hosting such affairs, I was on to it when they lured me to her house on a summer afternoon a few months before my wedding.
Nevertheless, I remember being overwhelmed with appreciation that all of these women would give up their Sunday to celebrate me.
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I remember unwrapping sets of sheets, boxes of glasses and a very nice set of brown towels from Marshall Field’s. Those towels lasted forever. I donated them to the local animal shelter some 30 years later only because I was tired of brown. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a do-over right about now?
By contrast, both of my daughters had very different bridal showers. Our oldest married into a big family. There were three showers, all of which were held at nice restaurants and none of which were a surprise. They were as fancy as my wedding.
Our youngest got married during COVID lockdown. Her bridal shower took place on our driveway in December. We decorated as best we could and served to-go lunches and hot cocoa bombs. It was chilly but almost everyone on the invite list came out, wearing their protective masks.
A year later, our youngest’s baby shower was what we now call a “naked” event — no wrapping and thus, no unwrapping. Guests could spend more time mingling and there was minimal damage to the environment.
It doesn’t matter where or how a special event is marked. What matters is that people stop what they are doing and come together to make someone else feel loved. Such events are timestamps of kindness and generosity in a human’s life story, evidence that hope for the future is embedded in our DNA.
Many of those generous women who came to my shower are now gone, including my mom, her friend Carol and my Aunt Grace. But they live on in my heart and in the beige serving bowl and the blue plaid placemats and the champagne glasses that bear an etched V on the front.
Donna Vickroy is an award-winning reporter, editor and columnist who worked for the Daily Southtown for 38 years.