Although I try to keep my writing succinct, today I’m going to be far more labyrinthine because I’m preparing myself for Word Nerd Day, which takes place on Jan. 9.
Like the majority of these contrived celebrations, the origins of the holiday are unknown. What I can tell you is participants are encouraged to open their dictionaries and thesauruses to not only learn new words, but to incorporate them into conversation. You can make it even more fun by playing word games alone or with your family.
This is how I’m planning my own Word Nerd celebration.
It’s no secret that I’m wakerife (indisposed to sleep), but as a result I’m also a clinomaniac (someone with an overriding desire to stay in bed) in the mornings. Despite that, I won’t want to waste any time on this special holiday, so I’ll start my day with my regular ablutions (washing oneself). I always find a long, hot shower a good defense against acnestis (an itch between your shoulders you cannot reach to scratch). As I’m not ultotrichous (curly haired), drying my hair shouldn’t take too long. My hair is probably the thing I like most about my body, but I can’t say I’m agastopian (someone who loves a particular part of the human body).
As I make my way downstairs, I’ll probably stop on the halfpace (small landing between stairs). For jentacular (from the Latin word for breakfast, jentaculum, who knew?), I’ll make things easy by having a tittynope (leftovers of a meal) from nudiustertian (the day before yesterday). I’ll be careful not to xertz (gulp quickly, 21 Scrabble points) my tea in case I conflagrate (burn) my throat.
After that, it will be time to take my canine companion (four-legged friend) for a perambulation (a walk to sniff around the shrubs outside my home). I don’t much like the snow, but I won’t mind if it’s raining because I’m a pluviophile (someone who loves the rain). My favorite thing about it is the petrichor (the earth smell left behind). This is probably because I’m from England, where it rains all the time. Walking in a rain shower here prevents me from feeling hiraeth (homesick).
After our sojourn (brief stay) in the yard, Daisy will come inside and race around, splattering leaves and mud everywhere. I’m convinced she suffers from cacodemonomania (the pathological belief that one is inhabited by an evil spirit). One of these days I’m going to defenestrate her (throw her out of the window) but when she’s quiet, she’s simply evancalous (pleasant to embrace).
By then it will be time to start working on my vocabulary. I’m determined to dazzle my monogamist (husband) Grumpy with my newfound words when he returns from work. I guess just learning one or two new words would be cromulent (adequate) but as a perfectionist I can already feel my kakorrhaphiophobia (fear of failure) kicking in. Despite my best endeavors, I’m often finifugal (afraid of finishing anything).
I don’t expect Cantankerous (Grumpy) to be too impressed, however. He’s always so churlish (pain in the neck). I know he’ll think my vocabulary search is a complete waste of time because all he ever wants me to do is quomodocunquize (make money in any way I can). While I try to do that by being rabelaisian (coarsely hilarious), he just finds me irritating (takes one to know one).
By 4:30 p.m., I will have spent so long reading the dictionary I’ll be seeing phosphenes (spots before the eyes when you’re tired). Although I will have been working obnixely (strenuously) all afternoon, I’m worried I won’t be able to retain one new word. When Grumpy does come home, he’s going to find me somewhat lugubrious (excessively mournful).
In the quotidian (ordinary course of events), I wouldn’t care, but being a valetudinarian (someone morbidly concerned with my health) I worry that as I age everything I once knew will fall out of brain through my ears. Grumpy, on the other hand, is always insouciant (unmarked by concern).
In an effort to compose myself (write music? That can’t be right), I’ll start thinking of something else. I’ll decide to avoid a contretemps (awkward clash) with Grumpy by planning a détente (easing of tensions or strained relations). Although it may be supernumerary (more than is needed or required), I’ll make us a delicious dinner to camouflage (dress in a suit made of leaves) the fact that I’ve wasted the entire afternoon reading a dictionary.
As Grumpy is microsmatic (having a good sense of smell), I’ll probably make something especially tempting like an obrotund pizza (round but flattened on top and bottom). I expect he’ll be pauciloquent (speaking little) while he eats it but be full as usual of vaniloquence (vain or foolish talk) as soon as he’s done.
The only way bring Word Nerd Day to a satisfactory conclusion is to put any knowledge I may have retained into a game of Scrabble. I hate how Grumpy still beats me most evenings. Who does he think I am? An abecedarian (someone learning the alphabet)? I did actually win a couple of games last month and was so excited that I pronked (leap in the air with an arched back and stiff legs) right over the sofa.
However you commemorate this special January day, I hope you’ll be safe from the Williwaw (violent winds that blow in polar latitudes). If nothing else, you can always curl up with a good book.
Hilary Decent is a freelance journalist who moved to Naperville from England in 2007.
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