I’m no Luddite but some technology just serves to make life more complicated. Although the idea of being able to complete a variety of tasks without touching anything sounds appealing, the reality can be quite the opposite. Hands up, who doesn’t like hands-free?
Let’s talk public bathrooms. I do understand the need for personal hygiene, but I can testify that after a lifetime of using them, to my knowledge I never picked up harmful germs from any of them, and that includes toilet-less cubicles in France and the disgusting monstrosities in Thailand. I can still clearly recall washing my hands before leaving by, horror of horrors, turning on the faucets with my bare hands.
What I don’t remember is when those faucets were largely replaced by a touchless spout. Am I the only one who can rarely get those things to work? Hard as I try to wave my fingers across what I assume is a sensor, most of the time I’m rewarded with as much as water a dried-up watering hole in the middle of the Mojave Desert.
Obviously if you can’t wet your hands there’s no need to dry them, but assuming I manage to get the odd drop out by smacking the bottom of the spout with my hand, then it’s off to the paper towel dispenser.
Like you, I’ve seen the memes that suggest if you’ve ever used a soggy towel on a roller you’ve built up enough natural immunity to survive the bubonic plague (or COVID-19). While I’m not suggesting a return to those days, I really don’t understand why it would be so wrong to whip a new paper towel out the dispenser with my hand.
Assuming the previous visitor didn’t pull out the whole lot and then stuff them back into the machine, aren’t they clean enough? Why do I have to wave at the sensor? I often find they don’t work first or even second time, and if they do, they grind out a measly piece of paper so small and light you’d need one for each finger.
Once you’re all washed up, it’s time to leave. Now you would think after all that, you’d be able to go back to using your hands for something really useful, like opening the door, but no. There are decisions to be made.
Would you like to grab a tissue to hold the door? Possibly, but is retrieving one going to be another hands-off experience? Have you thought about doing it with your elbow? Why not use our kick plate? I can’t even begin to think how that works, so unless you’re an expert in the Argentine tango I’d leave well alone and just make a run for it.
I avoided a potentially terrifying hands-free bathroom experience on a cruise recently. Before you start, I have heard cruise ships are floating petri dishes, but for those of us who are not germaphobes, they can provide a fun vacation even in a pandemic.
Anyhow, some of the sparkling clean public bathrooms provided a hands-free option for anyone not wanting to touch the door. Although they were built with disabled people in mind, anyone could use them with a simple wave of the hand over a large button near the door of the stall.
As I weighed up the option, I overheard some of the ladies in line (there are always ladies in line) sharing horrific stories of either having to wait 10 minutes for the door to close ever so slowly behind them or, far worse, having it open up ever so slowly before they were ready to leave.
Also, why is hands-free flushing so important? Years ago, we’d grab chains or levers without having to be hospitalized after. Then they invented a button. That was a good idea as you cut the germs down to just one fingertip. But hands free entirely? Who sets the timers on those things?
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Hands-free devices aren’t only used for reasons of hygiene, of course. What could be better than being able to answer texts, find directions and listen to music without touching a button while driving? Driving while concentrating on the road, that’s what!
I’m not saying that I would want to live without GPS in my car. In fact, I’ve often said I’d still be driving around O’Hare Airport 15 years after we first arrived in this country without it. But even though your hands may be firmly on the wheel, I argue it can be just as distracting talking to your dashboard as trying to quieten two children in the back seat.
I don’t know if it’s my British accent, but half the time she doesn’t understand me. In some cases, I swear it would be quicker to pull over, take out a map, memorize it and pull out into the traffic again.
I have better luck starting up my Google Home (as regular readers will know, we’re old friends). She usually does understand me, but the trouble comes when I try to turn her off. I know there is an option to tap it somewhere, but I’ve never quite worked out where that is. My apologies if you’ve ever called me only to hear me yell, “OK, Google stop!” in your ear as I’m picking up the phone. Sometimes I swear she’s in there enjoying the music so much she doesn’t hear me so it takes several attempts.
I’m not saying that this technology is useless but perhaps it could be put to better use. If someone could invent a way for Grumpy’s socks to make it to the washing machine without my having to touch them, that would win hands down.
Hilary Decent is a freelance journalist who moved from England to Naperville in 2007.