In the 20 years J.R. Willard-Rose has been teaching at Homewood-Flossmoor High School, he’s never seen this many checked-out, disaffected, ambivalent students.
“You’d always have a few with their heads down but now it’s the majority,” he said. “It’s not just a couple of kids, it’s 30 in one class, then another 30 in another, followed by another 30.”
What’s causing this decline in interest and empathy? Of course, the effects of a pandemic raging across a politically divided nation contributed to the malaise. But that’s only part of it, he said. The constant distraction of social media has given students both cause and means to check out from what has become a very tough reality.
Here are just a few of the comments his students wrote on a recent survey about how they are holding up:
“I wake up every morning wondering what horrible thing will happen today in the world.”
“I carry my parents’ stresses with me all day long. I can no longer feel my own.”
“I don’t know why but I just don’t want to get out of bed, and when I’m here I’m numb most of the day.”
Parents, he added, are needed now more than ever.
Granted, every generation of teenagers is bumped and bruised by circumstances beyond their control. Every generation is shaped by the world in which they grow up.
But, Willard-Rose said, there has never been an escape mechanism like social media, which is impeding the natural progression of maturity and blocking the view of a future filled with purpose and promise.
Willard-Rose, who teaches fine arts, says if the 2020-21 school year was an adrenaline-charged panic attack, the 2021-22 school year has been a slow, existential descent into malaise.
“Our number one job is teaching a curriculum. But I really feel that is so secondary now,” he said.
It’s tough to stand in front of a group of kids and get them interested in math or history when they don’t see the point and they can easily tap into TikTok or YouTube and escape.
They’ve lost so much over the past two years, he said, that now they are losing their drive.
“They haven’t been able to find their passions and the things they feel they can contribute to in the world,” he said.
Instead, he said, they just check out.
The struggle is manifested in “crazy immaturity,” he said. “We have seen so much more bullying, acting out, immature things. This is the worst it’s been in 20 years.”
Before teachers can even get to the day’s lesson, they have to wade through the emotions that are blocking access, he said. So many class sessions today begin with well-being checks, he said.
“It’s very difficult to know you have a bunch of stuff to do today and a large part of your class is not engaged and they’re just not there, not acting appropriately, or have their heads down ready to fall asleep,” he said.
So he lets them talk, openly or through surveys, about how they feel. Much of what he receives are candid expressions of concern about identity, race and, yes, their inability to feel at all.
“I’ve lost the ability to panic. I panicked every day for a year that now my body and mind don’t even know if I should,” one student wrote.
Willard-Rose describes it is as a feeling of being “lost after loss.”
More Top Picks Assistive Technology For Ieps A Parents Overview
“They need attention,” he said. “They crave a reaction because they’re missing something. It’s hard to look at the behavior and just be punitive, without peeling back the onion to find out why. Why are they acting out? Why are they not paying attention in class? Why are they being hurtful?”
They lost so much over the pandemic, he said, not just in school but in life. “And they need to talk about it,” he added.
“As we all know, ‘hurt people, hurt people’; our kids are making poor choices at the expense of others. They are lashing out, bullying in person and on social media, in class and on their phones,” he said. “We have fragile kids hurting fragile kids.”
The schools are doing their best, he said. They’re hiring more school psychologists and social workers, he said, but added, they need to work on making lessons more relevant and applicable to the world today.
“Teachers are working every day to combat this new normal, all while trying to get through curriculum that in this day and age seems to come second to just helping kids make it through each day,” he said. Parents, he said, are needed now more than ever.
His plea: Talk to your kids, listen to them and teach them kindness and empathy.
“Kindergarten through seniors — ask them how they are feeling, bring up specifics. Ask them how they are being treated, ask them how they are treating others. Get a little nosy with social media. You would not believe the things they are saying, texting, snapping — hiding behind supposed anonymity, and how those words are making life unbearable for others,” he said.
And, he added, “try to do all of this hard work without judgment. They don’t need your judgment right now. They need your parenting, and your ears, your hearts and your minds.
“It’s very much like therapy,” he said. “You go to therapy and they let you talk. They listen, they provide feedback, but they’re not telling you what to do. They help you find answers.”
He is asking parents to “Teach your children to be kind, show them by example how to be creative and live in kindness. Teach them to own up to mistakes. Show them when you make a mistake and how you take ownership and responsibility for it. Help them see that we are all human and how important empathy can be. Remind them that for all the things that seem to divide us, there are so many more that unite us.
“Oh, and don’t freak out about them getting a C- on an assignment,” he added. “It’s not going to ruin their life. I promise.
“Work with them,” he said. “Work for them. Love them.”
Donna Vickroy is an award-winning reporter, editor and columnist who worked for the Daily Southtown for 38 years.