Dear Dr. June: I’m a newlywed who wants our marriage to work. The divorce rate is high and I don’t want to be another statistic. I know nothing is guaranteed, but I also know that if I don’t work for my marriage, my marriage won’t work for me. I want tips to make a good marriage, and my husband knows I’m writing you because he is interested, too. We are still in that honeymoon phase, and our dating relationship was so good. We want to keep that in our marriage, but we know the honeymoon eventually has to end. What are some tips you can share with us, Dr. June? Thank you. —Mr. and Mrs.
Dear Mr. and Mrs.: How exciting for you, going from a good dating relationship into a loving marriage. I send you years of positivity in your marriage and life.
Let’s get started by removing that expression about the work in the marriage.
Dr. June’s philosophy is we have jobs where we work. Our marriage should be a sanctuary, not another job to work on. If you have to work that hard, something is wrong.
No, every day is not going to be a bed of roses, and you’re going to have to make it through the annoyances. Yet, one of the keys to a good marriage is discussing in advance how you will handle the days you may not get along and get on each other’s nerves. For sure, give yourself some breathing room instead of saying something you’ll regret, then regroup. Don’t go to another place or to bed angry. You simply don’t know what will happen before you can connect again.
Next is honesty with the appropriate communication. Find the right words to help the situation go smoothly instead of creating war. If there is something wrong, be truthful about it instead of avoiding the problem and hoping it will go away. It won’t! You may think you’re avoiding conflict, but you are actually creating it.
You see, it festers. One day, you’ll be upset over something minor because you didn’t confront what was wrong in the first place. If you need a moment to collect your thoughts, then say so before talking about it. The point is to go ahead and talk about it so you can move forward in your relationship.
Takeways: Don’t look at your marriage as work but as a sanctuary, regardless of times it may not seem so. Have a plan in place when things go awry. Communicate honestly but respectfully including about intimate matters. Congratulations on your marriage, and I wish you all the best!
Email Dr. June Hall at [email protected] and subscribe to her YouTube “Cooking up Advice.” For more information about Dr. June visit www.drjunehall.com or follow her on Instagram @aptacious.
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