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player ready...Dear Dr. June: My husband and I raised three kids. They are all adults and have moved on to live their own lives. The sad news is my husband died and left me alone in our dream house. There was no reason to keep it. We had five bedrooms but no more kids living there and it was just me without him. I sold the house for someplace more practical in a more mature adult neighborhood. It’s been nice. My children still visit but mostly stay in a nearby hotel.
But now my son, his wife and 11-year-old daughter moved into my smaller villa-type home because he lost his job and wanted to get his feet back on the ground. That’s what he said. Now my two-bedroom/two-bathroom home with a den that the daughter uses is crowded. I mostly stay in my room if I’m not out with friends. It’s going on three months. It’s time for them to get their own place, but his wife is not working. What do I do? I don’t mind helping my son, but when is enough, enough?
— Crowded Mom in South Florida
Dear Crowded Mom: You know it’s time to say enough already. They may be taking advantage of the situation or perhaps something you said led him to believe there is no limit on this uncomfortable situation. Nonetheless, let’s work this out to improve the situation. You may want to speak with him alone first, then let him work it out with his wife, especially since this concerns her and the lack of her employment. She needs to get a job. Even if not permanently, they currently need that extra income to get back on their feet. Once they are in their own living space and have a better financial position, then what she does is up to them.
I would not warn your son that you want to talk. I would just grab him when you have a moment. Share your love for him is still there, but you realize he wants his own space with his family. Put it on him. Suggest it would be helpful if his wife had some type of income. The daughter is old enough to have some responsibility in caring for herself, not like a baby. Additionally, she surely wants her own bedroom. Set a date, take a certain amount of his income, help them hunt for a place and collect rent. He doesn’t have to know this, but save that rent money. If he claims he is short, then he still has no excuse because you saved the money. It’s time for him to put his big boy pants on, and it’s time for mom’s stern hand to help him.
Email Dr. June Hall at [email protected] and subscribe to her YouTube “Cooking up Advice.” For more information about Dr. June visit www.drjunehall.com or follow her on Instagram @aptacious.
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