Dear Dr. June:
My friend invited me to go to a concert with her and her husband because I wanted to go but didn’t feel safe going alone. I initially said no, because who wants to be the third wheel? She told me it was a group so it would be OK, and it was.
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There were several of us who were singles and couples. We had a really good time. Everyone got along great. Then a couple of days later I got a call from my friend’s husband. He got my number from her phone and wanted to see me. I told him that was gross and not to call me again. I have the impression that this is not the first time he stepped out on her but don’t know what to do.
How can I tell her, or should I tell her? We aren’t best friends so I don’t see and talk to her as much but making it less now because I’m sick about the situation. She is a very nice and good person. What do I do, Dr. June?
— Grossed out in Florida
Dear Grossed:
Eww! I’m grossed out too. I know someone who had a similar situation a few years ago, but that same week he got a job transfer out of state. They were gone within a couple of months and there was no further contact. She never told. You probably aren’t that fortunate and may have to see them periodically. Here is the somewhat good news (because there really isn’t true good news): Since you’re not very close to this person, distancing yourself should be fairly easy. Had you been besties, it would make matters even more complicated.
Either way, you have to let her know something in the milk isn’t clean. Why? Well, it is going to be extremely awkward for you when you see them again. Sure, you can distance yourself, but it’s a small world. Chances are you will run into them, and you do not want this hovering over you. She may even ask what’s wrong. Plus, being the louse that her husband is, he may try to blame you. Nip it in the bud.
How do you tell her? As gently as possible, by starting with a question. “Does your husband typically go through your phone? Then it seems like he got my number from there.” When she asks why, tell her you are not sure what he wanted, but he indicated there may some issues in the relationship. (:He claimed he contacted me to work out his frustrations.”) She may be upset. She may not show much emotion. I have a strange feeling that she may not even be surprised. Either way, I would love to know the end result.
Email Dr. June Hall at [email protected] and subscribe to her YouTube “Cooking up Advice.” For more information about Dr. June visit www.drjunehall.com or follow her on Instagram @aptacious.
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