Dear Dr. June:
My husband does not like me talking to our neighbor anymore. He says she’s a bad influence and that we gossip too much. He doesn’t trust her because she runs her mouth so much. I told him it’s normal neighborhood banter. Then he really got mad and said there is nothing normal about it and that he’s sure she gossips about us too. I take it all in stride, but he doesn’t, so I’m trying to figure out if he’s right. We’ve been happily together for 16 years and don’t want to ruin that over a dumb neighbor thing. I think it’s nice to be friendly with your neighbors, and we look out for each other. I’m feeling like I’m in the middle and hope you can tell me how to get out. — Gossip trouble in Chicago
Dear Gossip Trouble:
You sure are in trouble, and I actually think both of you are right in this situation. Let’s start with your husband.
A bunch of gossip is no good. When someone has time to sit and around to be nosy in the business of others, that someone needs a life and is surely up to no good. Oh, and if you’re still trying to figure out if he’s right about the neighbor talking behind your back about you, the answer is yes. She is. That’s just what they do.
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I hope you have been careful about what you shared with her. She’ll also say it was you doing the talking, not her. On the flip side, you are also right that you should be in good standing with your neighbors. They will be more watchful and supportive when needed if you have good relationships with them.
So, how do you get out this dilemma? First, share with your husband that he makes a good point, but that you still need to be friendly to keep a good relationship for the sake of your home and the neighborhood. Second, continue to be friendly and chat with he. However, there should be limitations. When she starts to gossip, you can change the subject, subtlety say you have to leave, or ask her for her help with something. Also, you can periodically bring a friend or another neighbor when you visit, which should limit her gossiping conversations.
You definitely don’t want to interfere with your marriage over this. Tell your husband this and explain how you will handle things differently. I think he’ll understand.
Email Dr. June Hall at [email protected] and subscribe to her YouTube “Cooking up Advice.” For more information about Dr. June visit www.drjunehall.com or follow her on Instagram @aptacious.
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