Instructions: Click the box next to each tweet that amuses you — no limit to the number of choices. Voting closes Friday at noon Chicago time. Winner is published in the Sunday paper (with a week delay when I’m on vacation) Some tweets are lightly edited to remove profanity or improve punctuation, diction or clarity. If you see a plagiarized tweet, let me know via email — [email protected] — and send a link for evidence! I’ll change the attribution or make it “unknown” or attribute it to “various” sources. If your tweet is included and you’d rather it not be or you object to how I may have edited it, let me know and I’ll remove it as quickly as I can. And if you’d like never to be included in this feature, let me know and I’ll be glad to honor your request. If you know the Tweet is not original with you, email me and I’ll change the attribution. Some of the tweets are old, but if they’re new to me, then they qualify for inclusion. Answer order is randomized each time.
The poll is closed. Here are the finalists
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Everything happens for a reason you make up afterwards. … @TheTweetOfGod
Mama: Another monkey fell off the bed, what should I do? Doctor: I feel like we’ve been over this already ….@YSylon
I just want to be as happy as I was when my teacher rolled a TV cart into the classroom ….@AnnietheNanny1
It goes without saying that anyone who tells you that it goes without saying will then feel compelled to say it anyway ….@Gupton68
Barking up the right tree doesn’t do a hell of a lot either …@MelvinofYork
I don’t think anyone actually hates to break it to you ….@mack44_d
I’m buying a telescope so I can sell it at a garage sale in six years ….@Bob_Janke
Do not die on a hill. It is super hard for us to get up there and retrieve the corpse ….@MomOnFire
My 4-year-old is singing a song called “It’s Tuesday,” and it’s just her singing those two words over and over interspersed with high pitched shrieks, and she can’t get in the bath until she’s done and I have no idea when that’ll be. And the worst part of all this? It’s not even Tuesday …. @SnarkyMommy78
They have a lot of nerve calling a dry rice patty “cake.” …@Social_Mime
I’m finally getting the professional help I need for my origami addiction. I’ll let you know how it all unfolds. …@AllanForsyth
Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time …@mariana057
The vicar has asked me to stop shouting “unsubscribe” at the end of the Lord’s Prayer …@Spaziotwat
Break the ice with strangers in the elevator by asking them to help you figure out the meaning of a dream you had … @Contwixt
I caught my girlfriend having sex with an abstract artist. He said, “It’s not what it looks like” … @BigJDubz
HR is giving me a hard time because I’ve been starting all my work emails with “Dearly Beloved…” … @Shade510
I do not own a chip clip because I am not a quitter …. @mom_tho
You can’t spell redundant without “redundant …@TheRobCee
And here is the winner:
How many times do you have to click “I accept cookies” before they send you the cookies? …@BobGolen
https://secure.polldaddy.com/p/10848072.js
Which of these top 20 tweets do you find amusing? (Multiple selections encouraged)
https://secure.polldaddy.com/p/10848072.js
Which of these top 20 tweets do you find amusing? (Multiple selections encouraged)
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