Lots of activity on Twitter this week, as you might imagine. So much, in fact, that I’ve split the poll into two divisions, political and apolitical. Please be sure to cast your votes in each!
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Instructions: Click the box next to each tweet that amuses you — no limit to the number of choices. Voting closes Friday at noon Chicago time. Winners will be published in the Sunday paper. Some tweets are lightly edited to remove profanity or improve punctuation, diction or clarity. If you see a plagiarized tweet, let me know via email — [email protected] — and send a link for evidence! I’ll change the attribution or make it “unknown” or attribute it to “various” sources. If your tweet is included and you’d rather it not be or you object to how I may have edited it, let me know and I’ll remove it as quickly as I can. And if you’d like never to be included in this feature, let me know and I’ll be glad to honor your request. If you know the Tweet is not original with you, email me and I’ll change the attribution. Some of the tweets are old, but if they’re new to me, then they qualify for inclusion. Answer order is randomized each time.
The polls are closed. Here are the finalists
POLITICAL DIVISION
Biden will need to go over the Oval Office with that spray they use for rented bowling shoes. ….@IamJackBoot
I can’t believe the creators of the monster have lost control of the monster. Is there any precedent for this in books or film? …@DanAmira
Issuing a correction: The Republican Party is the party of Law & Order Total Landscaping …@TheDailyShow
“Go home. We love you. You are very special.” That’s what you say while putting your drunk friend in an Uber … @tigersgoroooar
The trouble with conspiracy theories is that a lack of evidence is not taken as proof it’s not real, but instead as proof the conspiracy is indeed everywhere. This is like thinking that the reason you never see elephants hiding up in treetops is because they’re good at it. ….@WardQNormal
Jan. 12, 2021: Day 1,526 of What the Hell Did You Expect? …@Keurfuffle
Stop saying history will judge them. Judge them now. With judges. …@JoeSondow
Wait until all these people who are saying a Twitter ban is a violation of free speech hear what the NFL did to Colin Kaepernick. …@FixYourLife
Republicans appear to be finished with the “trying to kill us while blackout drunk” phase of the abuse cycle and into the “crying at us to unlock the door while asking us why we’re being such a bitch about this” phase….. @JuliusGoat
And here is the winner:
We spend $750 billion annually on defense and the center of American government fell in two hours to the Duck Dynasty and a guy in a Chewbacca bikini…@YousefMunayyer
APOLITICAL DIVISION
The ladies call me “white chocolate” because I’m just awful …@SvnSxty
I asked Alexa a question and then didn’t bother to listen to the answer so basically she is my boyfriend now …@ItsSamG
If you’re buying something embarrassing at the drugstore (like an enema), just ask for a gift receipt so they won’t think it’s for you … @WilliamAder
You look like you fell down the stairs at M.C. Escher’s … @ozzyunc
Begin all replies in job interviews with, “if you must know.” … @kipconlon
Please man up and stop using needlessly gendered idioms. …@wildethingy
Sorry my laughter at the end of your story was fake, but you said it would be funny so we’re both caught in this web of lies. …@JohnLyonTweets
Mama Bear: The porridge is ready. Papa Bear: Perfect. Let’s leave for a couple of hours …. @sad_saurus
My purpose in writing “Origami For Dummies” was twofold. ….@RickAaron
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And here is the winner:
My son asked me where poo came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest answer. He looked perplexed and stared at me for a minute then asked “….and Tigger???” ….@mariana057
POLITICAL DIVISION
https://secure.polldaddy.com/p/10712776.js
Which of these top political tweets do you find amusing? (Multiple selections encouraged)
APOLITICAL DIVISION
https://secure.polldaddy.com/p/10712786.js
Which of these top apolitical tweets do you find amusing? (Multiple selections encouraged)