Humor is a time-honored antidote to fear and sadness, so many people are finding comfort in this COVID-shadowed season by singing and writing parody holiday songs. Here are my entries to the genre. I hope you’ll sing them out loud.
Lori Lightfoot’s Running This Town
You better watch out
You better not lie
You better not pout
I’m telling you why
Lori Lightfoot’s running this town
She’s making a list
She’s checking it now
When you don’t mask she’s having a cow
Lori Lightfoot’s running this town
She sees you when you’re shopping
Or drinking at the bar
She knows when you don’t wash your hands
Or you’re speeding in your car
So! You better stay home
Better be good
Better mask up
You know that you should
Lori Lightfoot’s running this town.
I’ll Be Home For Christmas
I’ll be home for Christmas
Where else would I be?
Trav’ling? No. They say: Don’t go!
Just sit at home with your tree
Christmas Eve will find me
Staring at my screen
I’ll be home for Christmas
Obeying quarantine.
The First Noel
It’s the first Noel
That the experts did say
You can’t gather for Christmas
Stay home on this day
Stay home on this day
So the virus won’t spread
Don’t go carol or revel
Go early to bed
Noel, Noel
Noel, this is hell
But we’ll stay home for Christmas
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So folks can stay well.
Frosty
Frosty the snowman wasn’t happy: Why, you ask?
Cause his corncob pipe and his button nose
Wouldn’t fit beneath his mask.
Oh! Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale, they say
He was made of snow but the children know
How he came to life one day
There must have been some magic
In that cute silk mask they found
Cause when they placed it on his face
He began to dance around
But! Frosty the snowman, cried, “This mask is way too tight!”
So he tore it off and he gave a cough
And it gave those kids a fright
Trumpety trump trump, trumpety trump trump, etc.
But! Frosty the snowman knew that safety mattered most
So he stretched the strings and put on that thing
Then he said, “Hey, kids, let’s coast!”
Down to the village — yes, they stayed six feet apart —
Running here and there, all around the square
Wearing masks — those kids were smart!
He led them down the streets of town
Straight to that virus cop
And Lightfoot gave a scolding look
So poor Frosty hollered, “Stop!”
Then Frosty the snowman told the kids “Go home and play!”
And he waved goodbye, saying
“Don’t you cry, we’ll be virus-free someday.”
Vaccines we have heard are nigh
Vaccines we have heard are nigh
Vaccines that will stop the plague
Hope is here, it makes us cry
From the U.S. to The Hague
Glo-o-o-or-ia, in excelsis deo, etc.
People why this jubilee?
Why your joyous strains prolong?
From this plague we’ll soon be free
That is why we sing this song
Glo-o-o-or-ia, in excelsis deo, etc.
Let Us Zoom!
Oh the virus outside is frightful
But the Wi-Fi’s so delightful
And since we’re stuck in some room
Let us zoom, let us zoom, let us zoom!
Oh, it doesn’t show signs of stopping
And we’re home for school and shopping
We’re fighting off thoughts of doom
So we zoom and we zoom and we zoom
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When the virus is fin’lly gone
We’ll be glad to go out in a storm
But ’til the new vaccine’s dawn
Let’s stay safe inside where it’s warm
Oh, the vaccine will soon be coming
We can hear that hope a’humming
But now we fight off the gloom
Singing, “Zoom! let us zoom! let us zoom!”
Speaking of songs. Songs of Good Cheer, the holiday singalong my colleague Eric Zorn and I have hosted at the Old Town School of Folk Music since 1999 with a band of great musicians, is going online this year. A ticket — $25 per household — buys some safe holiday fun and contributes to local charities, which need help more than ever in this hard year. Tickets are available at the Old Town School: oldtownschool.org/concerts
Twitter @MarySchmich