Instructions: Click the box next to each tweet that amuses you — no limit to the number of choices. Voting closes Friday at noon Chicago time. Winner is published in the Sunday paper (with a week delay when I’m on vacation) Some tweets are lightly edited to remove profanity or improve punctuation, diction or clarity. If you see a plagiarized tweet, let me know via email — [email protected] — and send a link for evidence! I’ll change the attribution or make it “unknown” or attribute it to “various” sources. If your tweet is included and you’d rather it not be or you object to how I may have edited it, let me know and I’ll remove it as quickly as I can. And if you’d like never to be included in this feature, let me know and I’ll be glad to honor your request. If you know the Tweet is not original with you, email me and I’ll change the attribution. Some of the tweets are old, but if they’re new to me, then they qualify for inclusion. Answer order is randomized each time.
The poll is closed. Here are the finalists
Me (Struggling to make conversation on a first date): Tell me about a time you worked well as part of a team….@TheNewsAtGlenn
Husband: Are you having an affair with my brother and are the two of you planning to murder me? Me: It sounds like you’re trying to draw me into discussing a contentious matter of public debate and I simply can’t do that right now … @MariyaAlexander
If you’re feeling down lately it’s probably because you haven’t acquired a sufficient number of consumer products … @TheTweetOfGod
People may question my parenting methods, but my kids have made it to 20 and 22 without becoming serial killers. Or, if they have, they’re super good at it. Either way … @UncleDuke1969
Can someone with a black suit and an umbrella watch my funeral from a distance so my family will think I had something big going on in my life? …. @adnannhussainn
Oh, you don’t microwave all of your meals? Wow, okay Julia Child .. @Home_Halfway
I love how they gave Scooby-Doo a speech impediment, as if people would be like “That makes sense, because dogs have difficulty speaking” …. @Cpin42
The best part about dunking your Hot Pocket like a cookie into a glass of cold milk is absolutely nothing. But now we’re both thinking about Hot Pocket milk together. This is so us … @Pork_Chop_Hair
Show us on the Constitution where the bad man hurt you … @HMittelmark
And here is the winner:
I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”? …. @fras99
https://secure.polldaddy.com/p/10633278.js
Which of these top tweets do you find amusing? (Multiple selections encouraged)
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