Instructions: Click the box next to each tweet that amuses you — no limit to the number of choices. Voting closes Friday at noon Chicago time. Winner is published in the Sunday paper (with a week delay when I’m on vacation) Some tweets are lightly edited to remove profanity or improve punctuation, diction or clarity. If you see a plagiarized tweet, let me know via email — [email protected] — and send a link for evidence! I’ll change the attribution or make it “unknown” or attribute it to “various” sources. If your tweet is included and you’d rather it not be or you object to how I may have edited it, let me know and I’ll remove it as quickly as I can. And if you’d like never to be included in this feature, let me know and I’ll be glad to honor your request. If you know the Tweet is not original with you, email me and I’ll change the attribution. Some of the tweets are old, but if they’re new to me, then they qualify for inclusion. Answer order is randomized each time.
The poll is closed. Here are the finalists
We all eat our Skittles in order. Yellow, green, orange, purple, and red. Don’t try to say you don’t … @skittle624
A thousand Milwaukees is a Bilwaukee. …. @DurtMcHurtt
A tip for your gender reveal party. Remember how excited you were to discover the sex of your acquaintance’s baby? Exactly. Plan accordingly … @IamJackBoot
“Monterey Jack” sounds like the king of the hippies … @perlhack
My least popular conspiracy theory is that orchestra conductors don’t actually do anything. Some guy just shows up and says “OK, I’mma direct you,” and the musicians play the same but treat it like a Make-a-Wish thing and are like, “That’s great, bud, you’re directing so good!” …. @TheAndrewNadeau
More Top Picks Segway Ninebot E2 Plus
The only thing more embarrassing than my browser history is my calculator history … @ok_girlfriend
Dwayne Johnson tested positive for COVID-19 and now I’m worried for the rest of us who have that same body type … @RodLacroix
Never give up on your dream. Unless it involves a lot of effort. Then maybe consider a cost/benefit analysis on your dream … @wildethingy
When someone offers you coffee, simply say “no thank you.” If you ask for tea, it throws them into a tizzy of drawer-opening. … @HatfieldAnne
I’m writing a version of Moby Dick from the whale’s point of view it will be called “Hey Why Are You Stabbing Me? I’m Just Trying to Swim Here.” …. @LostCatDog
What the hell is cole slaw? Someone was just like, “I love mayo so much HOWEVER. you know what would make it better? Cabbage.” …@Shenaniglenns
Want to feel old? Pebbles Flintstone’s been dead for 2 million years. … @kipconlon
Maybe you think free healthcare works in your leftwing fairytale where we have the same system as 32 other countries but we Republicans live in the real world where antifa takes advantage of the fake COVID-19 hoax to cheaply fly to cities to kill people with soup and hurt God …@HelloCullen
The last time I danced like nobody was watching, someone stabbed me with an EpiPen …@mack44_d
And here is the winner:
A coroner is just a doctor running behind schedule … @English_Channel
https://secure.polldaddy.com/p/10606235.js
Which of these top 15 tweets do you find amusing? (Multiple selections encouraged)