Instructions: Click the box next to each tweet that amuses you — no limit to the number of choices. Voting closes Friday at noon Chicago time. Winner is published in the Sunday paper (with a week delay when I’m on vacation) Some tweets are lightly edited to remove profanity or improve punctuation, diction or clarity. If you see a plagiarized tweet, let me know via email — [email protected] — and send a link for evidence! I’ll change the attribution or make it “unknown” or attribute it to “various” sources. If your tweet is included and you’d rather it not be or you object to how I may have edited it, let me know and I’ll remove it as quickly as I can. And if you’d like never to be included in this feature, let me know and I’ll be glad to honor your request. If you know the Tweet is not original with you, email me and I’ll change the attribution. Some of the tweets are old, but if they’re new to me, then they qualify for inclusion. Answer order is randomized each time.
The poll is closed. Here are the finalists
Mr. Falwell will no longer run the university himself, but will remain on staff to observe another person doing it …. @petersagal
Trump: “We’re gonna build a wall and Mexico is gonna to pay for it. Well, actually Steve Bannon is gonna pay for it. Well, actually you’re gonna pay Steve Bannon and he’s going to keep the money. Also, there won’t be a wall.” 38% of the public: ”I like this guy.” ….@birbigs
With everything canceled, it’s a great time to bond with your husband, talk to him, laugh with him, remind him of that thing he said 5 years ago. … @mommajessiec
Nobody cares about the length of your newborn. There, I said it. …@3sunzzz
More Top Picks Best Power Recliners
I maintain social distancing in public by wearing a T-shirt that reads, “Ask Me About My Podcast.” …@AmishPornStar1
Fool me once. I like to be fooled a single time. Being fooled more than that, though? Not for me. … @ryanpequin
I told my kids the shoes on telephone wires are from kids who lied and got sucked up into space …. @momjeansplease
The only rock musician I want to meet is Paul McCartney so I can tell him there should be a comma between “Hey” and “Jude.” …. @WilliamAder
Bringing students into dorms for two weeks, letting them all get good and covidy and then shutting the dorms down and sending them back to their hometowns around the country is a hell of a plan if your university trustees are coronavirus. …@dansinker
And here is the winner:
Have you noticed that undocumented immigrants commit crimes at a considerably lower rate than trump’s campaign staff? …@richones1