Instructions: Click the box next to each tweet that amuses you — no limit to the number of choices. Voting closes Friday at noon Chicago time. Winner is published in the Sunday paper (with a week delay when I’m on vacation, as I am this week) Some tweets are lightly edited to remove profanity or improve punctuation, diction or clarity. If you see a plagiarized tweet, let me know via email — [email protected] — and send a link for evidence! I’ll change the attribution or make it “unknown” or attribute it to “various” sources. If your tweet is included and you’d rather it not be or you object to how I may have edited it, let me know and I’ll remove it as quickly as I can. And if you’d like never to be included in this feature, let me know and I’ll be glad to honor your request. If you know the Tweet is not original with you, email me and I’ll change the attribution. Some of the tweets are old, but if they’re new to me, then they qualify for inclusion. Answer order is randomized each time.
The poll is now closed, but here are this week’s entries:
I miss bars. I miss ordering a nice drink and having multiple people ask me if I’m a model. Then more people ask me if I’m a model. Everyone at the bar would start yelling “Are you a model?!” until I’d have to stand on the bar and make a formal announcement that I am NOT a model …. @saggiesplinters
Some of you should walk a mile in my shoes because then you would be a mile away from me and that would be fantastic. Keep the shoes … @wolfmannjr
Trump is about a day away from bragging that he found the hairbrush in the tree in Highlights Magazine … @Tierno158
From the looks of this gas station bathroom, I missed an alien autopsy by 10 minutes … @Marcmywords2
At my age “friends with benefits” is someone who can drive at night … @BobGolen
You’re my age if you spent three years mastering cursive and then one day it was gone and never spoken of again … @SamGrittner
You never hear the word “indubitably” anymore – not because it’s archaic, but because everything is dubitable now … @GianDoh
Just so we’re all clear since there’s a lot of disagreement about birth years: Boomer = Anyone older than you that you don’t like. Millennial = Anyone younger than you that you don’t like … @OhNoSheTwitnt
One time, I went for a bike ride and didn’t post about it to Facebook. It haunts me still …. @lloydrang
I can’t believe how rude it was to write the song “You Are So Beautiful,” but to then add “to me” in parentheses ….@jessokfine
Every “c” in “Pacific Ocean” is pronounced differently …. @Suurrahhh
The most unbelievable thing about the show “Friends” is that none of them ever didn’t feel like hanging out …. @thecassiecao
I bet you could teach a robot to click a button that says “I am not a robot” … @AmishPornStar1
The number one cause of teen pregnancy? Finished basements … @buda_dude
And the winner….
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Obama didn’t brag half as much about winning a Nobel Peace Prize as Trump is about passing a dementia test … @ChrisLu44