This is the latest in my occasional TrumPoems chronicling the presidency of Donald J. Trump, based, as always, on his own words.
BETTER DAYS AHEAD
We’re living in a time of plague
It’s called the Wuhan flu
But, friends, we’re making progress
And it’s no time to be blue.
.
There’s 60,000 people dead?
A million plus infections?
I’ve got some news to cheer you up —
I’ll win the fall elections.
.
The market’s down and jobs are gone?
Well, I won’t take the blame
The Chinese and the Democrats
Should shoulder all that shame.
.
Now let me take you back in time
To when this plague began
And show you my tremendous work
(I am my biggest fan.)
.
I saw this virus coming
(I’m the only one who did!)
I closed off Chinese travel
(I have got the biggest id.)
.
And what did I do after that?
I did tremendous stuff
But even so the Democrats
Keep whining, “Not enough.”
.
“He hasn’t managed testing!”
“And he’s held up PPE!”
Those governors are whiners
And the biggest is J.B.
.
His state is such a cesspool
It is very poorly run
And little Lori Lightfoot
Is as uptight as a nun.
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.
You say my hist’ry’s phony?
And that earlier this year
I promised you a miracle —
This flu would disappear?
.
I vowed that I’d control it?
There was no need for concern?
You can’t believe the news you read
Besides, we live and learn.
.
I’ve held great daily briefings
So tremendous, very long
Like rallies for a TV crowd
I looked so smart and strong.
.
I sometimes let old Fauci speak
And sometimes Dr. Birx
You say they rolled their eyes at me?
Well, I say you are jerks.
.
I dissed those fake reporters
How those liars preen and screech
And no I never, ever said
That people should drink bleach.
.
I made a little joke, my friends,
It’s just my form of wit!
And if some morons drank that stuff?
Then they’re as dumb as (bleep).
.
I’m glad Mike Pence has been around
To help me with his task
He bravely went to Mayo
And he bravely said, “No mask!”
.
Sure, masks they can be useful
But they’re ugly on TV
And that is why you’ll never see
A mask that’s worn by me.
.
No president’s worked harder
But the press is never kind
And now I’m feeling antsy
I’ve got Georgia on my mind.
.
Way down in Dixie country
They’ve gone back to work — yoohoo!
It’s time that all Americans
Can get a new tattoo.
.
It’s time to open up this land
Cause summer’s coming soon
And all that heat will kill this bug,
I promise you, by June.
.
Some say I’ve not been calming
And some say I’ve stoked the fire
Some claim I’ve been misleading
And some say I am a liar.
.
Some wish I were more healing
(Read: They wish I were Barack)
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But I’m the man of faith and hope
Obama is a crock.
.
I’m the man who in this time
And in this place that grieves
Is unafraid to stand up tall
And tweet my daily peeves.
.
Sigh.
.
I’ve cut back on my briefings now
Which makes me very sad
Advisers say they hurt my polls
And make some people mad.
.
Some say I’ve had a meltdown
That I’m loveless and adrift
That power is my only friend
My only one true gift.
.
But everything I’ve done is right
I’ve saved a million lives
The man untied to friendship
Is the braveheart who survives.
.
I am the greatest leader
So don’t listen to the trolls
Don’t listen to the Democrats
Don’t listen to the polls.
.
I promise better days, my friends,
I see them up ahead
Those sunny days when fear is gone
Along with doubt and dread.
.
The tunnel’s dark is ending
Up ahead I see the light
The glow of my election
On a great November night.
.
I’ll twist the past to suit my needs
The truth will be erased
And I’ll emerge a hero
Not a president disgraced.