Here, in no particular order, are my choices for the top tweets in my feed from the month of January, 2020
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Calling the US Senate the world’s greatest deliberative body is like calling O..J Simpson America’s most admired athlete. It may have been true once. It isn’t any longer. And intervening events have injected an uncomfortable irony into the use of the title. … @djrothkopf
To people confidently predicting the first line of President Trump’s obituary: He ain’t nearly done yet …@petersagal
Interviewer: How do you explain this 4-year gap on your resume? Me: That’s when I went to Yale. Interviewer: That’s impressive. You’re hired. Me: Thanks. I really need this Yob … various
Note to self. Don’t dance like no one is watching when everyone is watching … @suecorvette
Interviewer: Your resume says you lose focus easily. Me: Yes. Interviewer: Yes what? Me: Yes, please … @FredTaming
Hey look, a wall. I think I’ll rest my egg-shaped body on it. — Humpty Dumpty, freakin’ idiot …
@Cpin42 I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible for some of the stuff that I do … @rad_milk
I’m sorry but the only way to leave the royal family should be by trading places with a pauper who looks exactly like you … @pixelatedboat
One thing no one ever talks about being an adult is how much time you debate yourself on keeping a cardboard box because it’s, like, a really good box … @madameanthro
Woke up early enough to get to the gym and have an amazing workout. I mean I didn’t go, but I definitely woke up early enough to do it …. @YourMomsucksTho