Here, in no particular order, are my choices for the top tweets in my feed from the month of November, 2019
Would your ancestors still have died for the right to vote if they knew what we know now? …. @wildethingy
An everything bagel is just a plain bagel that’s been under the couch for two weeks … @smgp71
Please disregard the post in which I criticized the police for outsourcing an investigation of suspected fraud to a cowardly dog and his unqualified friends. I have since been informed that the show I was watching was not a true story … @Michael1979
The guy who invented predictive text died yesterday. His funfair is next Friday … @carboncaitlin
I had so much tea today I may have to take a position on Brexit …. @Mardigroan
I accidentally signed up for Disney-minus and it’s just the scenes where animated characters watch their parents die … @joshgondelman
Life is too short to hold grudges, so go get your revenge and move on. @badbanana
Marie Kondo opening an online shop that sells dumb crap you don’t need is my favorite heel turn of 2019 … @PJVogt
Every time you leave the house, Alexa tries to convince your pets to kill you … @MelvinofYork
God, grant me the serenity to exploit my enemies’ insecurities against them, the courage to drag them down into a hell of their own making, and the wisdom to document it so I can enjoy it again at a future date … @SamGrittner