Dolton resident Kellye Norris shared a story that pierced my heart.
With Mother’s Day coming up Sunday, I told her I was writing a column spotlighting foster moms who are making a positive difference in the lives of children. So often we hear horrendous reports of child neglect and abuse while the countless stories of foster parents who are providing support, guidance and love go untold.
I asked Norris why she became a foster mom. She shared an experience from years ago when she was with her sister, who at the time worked in foster care.
“I was with her when she had to split up three children,” Norris said. “The oldest child, which was maybe 7, told the younger two, ‘Look at my hands. Don’t forget my hands. Look at my eyes. Don’t forget my eyes. Remember your name is’ whatever the name was. It was like a 7-year-old told a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old, ‘Don’t ever forget. I will find you because they are going to split us up,’ and they did.
“That was an experience. I just said one day I’m going to be able to take a child and care for the child and hopefully reunify, but if not, I’m going to adopt him.”
And so she did. After serving as a foster mom, Norris, 52, adopted her foster son, Kaiden, who is 5. Norris works for Lutheran Social Services of Illinois as a foster parent resource specialist doing foster parent recruitment and training. She also serves on the Statewide Foster Care Advisory Council as a volunteer advocate for other foster families.
Monica Clanton, of Park Forest, has fostered dozens of children over the years, “all males and 99 percent teenagers,” she said.
“There’s a great demand for foster parents. But not everybody can do it. If you are going to do it, you have to understand you have to step outside your comfort zone. It’s about accommodating the needs of our children. It’s not easy. If you think you’re going to do something and say look back a year later and see what you’re accomplishing, you’re in it for the wrong reason. Many times, your efforts, your nurturing will not probably surface until they become adults and they become parents, and that’s when they will look back to what you provided.”
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Clanton, 56, is currently foster mom to 15-year-old Elijah, who first came into the foster care system at the age 10. He has had several foster homes and has been with Clanton, whom he calls Tee Tee, since early January.
“She’s helped me grow a lot,” Elijah said. “She has made me a lot more responsible. We talk, and she’s helping teach me life skills.”
The Illinois Department of Children and Family Services is currently legally responsible for 16,274 children and youth in care, according to the agency.
Clanton has fostered children for as long as five years to as little as a few days to provide emergency and respite care. DCFS, when possible, strives to reunite children with their birth families, and nearly half of all children are reunited within 12 months, according to the agency.
Clanton decided to become a foster mom to help “young men who needed some guidance and structure,” she said. The Marine Corps veteran started off in 2003 fostering three brothers who were then ages 11, 13 and 15. Her son was a teenager at the time.
“We did it together, the process,” she said of her son. “He was with me every step of the way. We went to training. If everybody in the family isn’t involved, more than likely you will fail.”
Children in foster care face the trauma associated with being separated from their families as well as the trauma that brought them into the foster care system, representatives note. Many are grappling with fear, confusion and anger.
Being ripped from one’s birth family, even when there are serious issues and it’s the right thing to do, of course can be very difficult for children to understand and accept. Most of us can’t even begin to fully comprehend and relate to what these children go through. I know I can’t. I grew up in a safe, loving, supportive big extended family, where I always felt connected. I have the utmost respect and admiration for foster parents who’ve stepped up to help foster kids — our kids — successfully navigate through these extremely challenging transitions.
“Our kids are presenting with multiple issues,” said Jataun Rollins, associate deputy director of community resources for DCFS. “There are layers of trauma that are not necessarily evident when we first place them.
“Foster parents are truly special individuals because it takes a special type of person to have that level of patience and understanding to work with somebody so vulnerable. These people take these kids into their homes not knowing what baggage that they carry. That’s an awesome amount of responsibility to help a kid work through that… to have a foster parent nurture them and support them in the way that their transition from their home of origin into theirs is less traumatic. I commend anybody who takes that on…They change the lives of our kids, and we always hope that it’s for the better.”
To become a foster parent one is required to participate in a home inspection and social assessment, be financially stable and complete a health screening and 27 hours of training focused on foster care and the needs of children who are in foster care, according to DCFS. Also, all household members must complete a criminal background check.
Some of the greatest needs for placement are adolescents, siblings who need to stay together, African-American boys, Latino children and children with medical needs, said foster care representatives.
For those serving as everyday hero foster moms, I say, thank you and happy Mother’s Day.
And here’s a message from Elijah: “Keep doing what you’re doing, don’t let nobody tell you, you shouldn’t be taking care of these kids. A lot of foster parents out there they are helping us, like Tee Tee.”