Tuesday is Valentine’s Day and millions of folks will be exchanging cards, including America’s political leaders. Here’s a peek at some of their offerings:
Donald Trump to Hillary Clinton
Some states are red,
Others are blue.
But I got 306 electoral votes,
And you only got 232.
Boo-hoo, Valentine.
Hillary Clinton to James Comey
My election win was in the bag,
The race was almost done.
But then you mentioned emails;
Now that joker Trump has won.
Thanks for nothing, Valentine!
John McCain to Donald Trump
Love is patient and kind,
Love does not envy or boast,
It is not arrogant.
But mostly love is patient,
And I love waiting for you to fail.
Won’t you be my former commander in chief?
Kellyanne Conway to Anderson Cooper
I love it when I’m on your show,
Your questions are so trenchant.
I bet you’d wish I’d answer them,
But that is not my penchant.
Love from your pivoting Valentine.
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Barack Obama to Donald Trump
My luve’s like a White, White House
I held a long, long time.
My luve’s like an Oval Office
That is no longer mine.
If fair thou art, dear Donald,
You will keep my legacy.
But if you don’t I hope you are
A footnote in history.
Please be my impeached Valentine.
Joe Biden to Mike Pence
Congrats upon your newest post,
You’re second in command.
I wouldn’t get too comfy, though
Given what your boss has planned.
Don’t count on four full years, Valentine.
Donald Trump to Paul Ryan
I really like to be with you,
You are my special friend.
But if you fail to vote with me,
Our friendship’s at an end.
Don’t be disloyal, Valentine.
Vladimir Putin to Donald Trump
I used to be Red,
But I’m no longer blue
Since you won the election,
No need for thank you.
You’re welcome, Valentine.
Steve Bannon to Reince Priebus
It’s great we’ll work together
On the presidential stage.
But don’t forget who’s leading
And who is just a page.
Alt-right forever, Valentine.
Donald Trump to Donald Trump
How do I love thee?
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Let me count the ways,
From the fabulous buildings
To the landslide election win,
You are a huge, huge success,
And a fantastic president.
I love you, Valentine.
David Martin lives in Ottawa, Ontario. He is the author of “King Donald I” and “Screams & Whispers,” both humor collections.