Emerging from their cave when the dark goes away, primitive men notice a huge, tall, rectangular object planted in the ground.
They are fearful, but attracted to this thing. They eventually touch it. They touch it some more. Then …
So begins the movie, “2001: A Space Odyssey,” which offers a speculation for how man has evolved and continues to evolve.
I fancy myself somewhat more evolved from the early cave dwellers shown in the movie. But, one morning I emerged from my cave and noticed a large metallic object had appeared overnight in the street by the curb.
What could it be?
Like my primitive ancestors, I was curious, but wary.
The thing was orange and had wheels.
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As I stared, it began to communicate. Atop the thing was a screen. And on the screen words appeared in lights.
The words repeated over and over again: “A message from the Oak Park Police Department. Slow down. Don’t text and drive. A message from …”
Ah-ha. Now I know what the thing is. It is what is called a portable variable message sign.
Governments on all levels use these signs to convey information, messages and warnings to the public.
On this day, Oak Park Police were giving drivers some good advice, perhaps a warning, since speeding and texting while driving are dangerous and illegal.
I wouldn’t object a bit to varying the use of portable variable message signs for other irresponsible behavior. Such as:
“A message from the Oak Park Police Department. Turn that damn car radio down.”
“A message from the Oak Park Police Department. Get out of the express line, you have more than 10 items.”
“A message from the Oak Park Police Department. Fill out the deposit slip before you get to the drive-up window at the bank.”
Yes, you are right. I am getting carried away. Perhaps I’m not as evolved as I hoped.
And, anyway, do people actually obey portable variable message signs? Jerks who risk texting while driving probably won’t let a sign stop them.
A character in one of Shakespeare’s plays says he can call spirits from “the vasty deep.”
“Aye,” someone replies, “but will they come?”
Still, it’s good to try.
Paul Sassone is a freelance columnist for Pioneer Press.