Chicago is known for its pizza. You can’t go wrong at any of the 10,000 pizza joints that exist in our beloved city. So why, may we ask, did we not get first dibs on the United States’ first-ever pizza ATM?
So why on Earth did it end up in OHIO of all places? That’s just not fair. The Midwest is our pizza territory.
The new pizza ATM is being installed in the dining hall of Xavier University in Cincinnati, according to local news station WCPO Cincinnati. The ATM will be stocked with 70 pizzas at a time, so good luck getting any, losers. Meanwhile, we’ll make our way to Pequod’s to eat our feelings about not getting chosen as the home of the first-ever American pizza ATM. Ugh.
The ATM prepares a vegan dough that then rises for two days before being kneaded and flattened into 12-inch round crusts. Sauce and toppings prepped by the dining hall staff are loaded into the machine and wait for their delicious destiny to be fulfilled.
Each pizza will cost $10 and will be ready to go in three minutes, which seems too good to be true, but it’s pizza that’s coming out of a vending machine, so what would you expect?
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We’ll be bitter about this for a long time. Or, at least until we get our own and realize the pizza we already have here is vastly superior to anything that comes out of a metal box. But for now, we’ll be mad.
@shelbielbostedt | [email protected]