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Wow. President Obama on Wednesday night keynoted the Democratic National Convention. Bill Clinton spoke the night before, Michelle Obama the night before that. Who can the Democrats possibly get for Thursday night to round out such a lineup?

Oh, it’s going to be Hillary Clinton? Hmmm. What’s the Netflix password again?

We are kidding, of course. The excitement about Clinton being the first female presidential nominee of a major party was palpable across the land Wednesday, from progressives who could barely hide their excitement at seeing another symbol of the patriarchy crumble to the late-night shows. Finally, they had an outlet for all those glass-ceiling jokes they’ve been saving up.

Actually, there was one.

James Corden, on CBS’ “Late Late Show,” showed Clinton’s video appearance Tuesday at the Philadelphia convention, which began with a shattered-glass effect.

“That makes sense,” Corden said. “With Trump so close to the presidency, Hillary just became the largest break-glass-in-case-of-emergency ever.”

But the broken ceiling didn’t bother Donald Trump, the Republican nominee, because, according to Corden, the putative billionaire said “he will replace it with a reinforced titanium steel ceiling — and the women are going to pay for it.”

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Seth Meyers on NBC’s “Late Night” used the first-female-nominee news as a setup. “It shows how far we’ve come as a nation,” he said, “that a woman can be tied in the polls with a spray-tanned mentally ill business failure.”

“Now it’s time for women to screw some (stuff) up!” enthused Desi Lydic, a “Daily Show” correspondent.

Corden tied Hillary’s making history to Bill’s speech: “On a night when the first woman is nominated to take the highest office in the land, what you want is for her husband to take 45 minutes mansplaining why you should vote for her.”

But Trump — like a toddler who “starts banging pots and pans” to bring attention back to him, said Trevor Noah on “The Daily Show” — had to come along to steal her thunder — or perhaps to ask Vladimir Putin to do it. Trump’s news conference during the day, in which he essentially invited Russia to hack Clinton’s emails, was a Trump misstep so large all the shows featured it.

“Is this finally going to be the thing where we say, ‘He’s gone too far, and send him home please?’ ” asked Larry Wilmore on “The Nightly Show.” “Please let it be the thing because so far none of these were the things.”

And on came a lengthy screen crawl of the many previous seeming Trump missteps that have not hurt him as a candidate.

Jimmy Fallon on “The Tonight Show” went for the same idea from a different angle: “Critics were saying a statement like that could be considered treason. In fact, it’s so serious that Donald Trump is now up 15 points in the polls.”

Two hosts offered similar wordplay.

“I’m not sure why Trump would openly ask Russia to spy on Americans,” Meyers said. “But he has his treasons.”

“Donald Trump, the voice of treason,” said Bill Maher of HBO’s “Real Time” who did a live show after Obama’s speech ended and labeled as “Vichy Republicans” party members who would not condemn Trump’s remarks.

“Plainly Trump is a Russian agent,” Maher added. “I mean, I don’t know it for a fact, but a lot of people are saying it.”

Nah, said Jimmy Kimmel on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” “He has nothing to do with Russia. He stopped ordering wives from them years ago.”

Noah thought a film reference apt. “Have you ever seen that movie ‘The Manchurian Candidate’?” he asked. “It’s about a Russian mole who’s brainwashed to run for president. Trump is like if the Manchurian Candidate ran as the Manchurian Candidate.”

Almost lost in the question of Trump’s Russian ties was Democratic Vice Presidential nominee Tim Kaine speaking to the convention Wednesday, including more of his trademark Spanish-language flourishes.

“The thrilla who’s vanilla,” Stephen Colbert called him, on CBS’ “Late Show.” “They are pushing the Spanish thing so hard that tonight they introduced him by breaking him out of a pinata.”

HBO’s John Oliver, guesting on Colbert, said, “I’ve never seen anybody more about to break into a harmonica solo than that man.”

But it kept coming back to Trump. In dealing with him, again, Noah’s “Daily Show” Wednesday was interesting. The South African comic essentially turned over his first two segments to a jeremiad against the idea of a Trump presidency.

“When you look at the two candidates side by side it’s embarrassing that this is even a contest,” he said. “Let’s stop acting like a few of Hillary’s failures define and tarnish her very successful career.”

He cited a peace deal Clinton, as secretary of state, brokered between Israelis and Palestinians. “What was Donald Trump doing around the same time?” Noah asked. “Well, it turns out he was dealing with a different international crisis. While Hillary was handling peace in the Middle East, he was tweeting at Robert Pattinson that he should dump Kristin Stewart for cheating. Seven tweets, in fact.”

All the late-night shows have been issuing the same warning with their jokes for months now, but this was likely the most direct, extended and passionate version.

Noah went on. Obama on Wednesday lauded Hillary Clinton as the most qualified person ever nominated for the presidency. By contrast, said Noah, “You’d look at Donald Trump’s resume and say, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, sir. We’re looking for a president.’ “

Noah was not alone. Warning against Trump was also the reason Colbert for a second time revived his “Stephen Colbert” character from his last show, “The Colbert Report.” (Actually, he revived Colbert’s “twin cousin,” also named Stephen Colbert, because apparently “corporate lawyers” raised intellectual property objections to Colbert bringing the character back during the GOP convention; I’m sure we’ll be reading more about that Thursday.)

But as his new character who is just like the old character, he said that both of the major-party candidates have branding problems. “If you don’t like Wonder Bread, you’re not going to like decades-old Wonder Bread. The same goes for the new McDonald’s Angry Meal,” said Colbert. “Yes, you might have to vote for a person you don’t really want. But it’s better than getting the person you really don’t want.”

[email protected]
Twitter @StevenKJohnson

STORIES:

Healing the Bern: The best late-night jokes about the DNC, Night 2

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Review: How Trump’s dark speech channeled Ethel Merman

‘The Trumpening’: The best late-night jokes about the RNC, Night 4

‘The Red Convention’: The best late-night jokes about the RNC, Night 3

Melania, Melania, Melania: The best late-night jokes about the RNC, Night 2

Colbert for the win: The best late-night comedy from the RNC, Night 1

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