If you’ve ever looked at your partner and thought, “Ugh, why am I with you?” you should 1) probably not be dating them and 2) look at the dating pool around you.
A new study conducted at the University of Texas at Austin found that how happy we are with our partners depends on how they compare with other potential mates. Basically, if the pickings are slim, you’re more likely to stick around with Loser McLoserface.
In the study, researchers simulated a mating pool from 119 men and 140 women who had been with someone for about 7.5 years on average. Each person rated how important they found certain ideal traits in a partner and then how closely these traits described both themselves and their partner to calculate their “mate value” or desirability. They then separately reported their relationship satisfaction.
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The researchers found that one partner’s happiness was not related to how much their partner compared with their concept of a “perfect mate,” but how they compared with others in the simulated mating pool.
“We do not need ideal partners for relationship bliss,” lead researcher Daniel Conroy-Beam said. “Instead, satisfaction appears to come, in part, from getting the best partner available to us.”
Participants with partners they perceived to be better than themselves reported that they were happy in their relationships whether or not their partner held all of their ideal traits. Those who perceived their partners to be less desirable than themselves were only content if their partner was the best compared with the rest of the group. Tough crowd.
Additionally, how much effort a partner puts into retaining the relationship is also correlated to how difficult a partner would be to replace, whether because that the partner is more attractive than they are or are more closely matched to ideal mating traits than others available.
For instance, if you’re dating Beyonce and she’s pretty damn “Irreplaceable” compared with the rest of the backup dancers onstage, you’re likely going to put in MORE effort to retain the relationship. Cough cough, Jay Z, cough cough.
So if you’re still questioning whether or not you want to take a swim with the other fish in the sea, first see what kind of fish are out there. Or just end it now. Yeah, probably just end it now.
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