Nobody ever asks me anything.
Oh, sure, every once in a while someone will ask, “Would you like fries with that?” (Silly question. Do I look like a guy who would say no to fries?)
Take surveys, for example. Nobody asks me things for surveys. Surveys are supposed to be done at random, which is from the Latin, “nochanaces sassonicus,” roughly translated as “anyone but Sassone.”
I had hopes when I heard that Oak Parkers who live near the Eisenhower Expressway were going to be surveyed as to whether walls reducing noise along the highway were a good idea.
I wasn’t surveyed. I guess I don’t live quite close enough. Nor was I included in surveys in 2000, 2004 and 2008 when Oak Park officials were trying to find out “how to allocate municipal resources for the future.” They had to do all that allocating without my advice.
Even on minor stuff, I never am surveyed. I’ve watched television most of my life. A lot of television. I believe I can say without fear of contradiction that I have just about wasted my whole life watching television.
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You’d think that such devotion would be rewarded by somebody asking me what I like to watch, wouldn’t you?
But, never. I’ve read about surveys of what people like to watch. But nobody asks me – and my wife making a face when I say I want to watch certain shows doesn’t count as being asked.
How come? Prejudice against the overweight, I assume.
It’s like I have to live through others. Other Oak Parkers are surveyed. Then I read what they think in stories in Oak Leaves. I guess village officials then – depending on math and statistical probabilities – believe that’s what all Oak Parkers think.
But I am not probable. I mean, I am not a problematical statistic. I am me. I have opinions.
And I’m going to start just giving them out; in short, surveying myself.
Let’s see …
First thing is the site of the former Tasty Dog. What should be done with it? I know how Oak Park officials love a nice residential/retail mix.
So, make upper floors residential. And on the bottom floor, put a Steak ‘n Shake.
The people have spoken.
Paul Sassone is a freelance columnist for Pioneer Press.