Netflix is reviving “Gilmore Girls,” and we could only love them more if they would just reveal when the new episodes are dropping (seriously, when?). To appease/torture us, they’ve released seven stills that hold a wealth of information about the revival, so we sat down to decipher the clues with our “Gilmore Girls” expertise.
LC: Everything seems to be in order here except Rory’s outfit. What is going on there? Is she auditioning in costume? Do the ’70s have a large role to play in “Stars Hollow: The Musical”? Is this her own version of Lorelai’s outfit on Rory’s first day of Chilton? I’m so confused. Also, what are the chances that Taylor decided to write a musical after seeing “Hamilton” and thinking it couldn’t be that hard?
SA: Clearly the play is about Jerry Garcia and his one-night stay in Stars Hollow and Rory is playing the titular character. Nothing else could possibly make any sense whatsoever. Rory is going to quit her job to become a star—it just makes so much more sense this way.
LC: OK, I hear you, but I think it’s more likely that Rory and Jess are dating and she’s trying to make a point about being cool with how much weed he smokes (sort of like the Donna Reed situation from Season 1).
SA: No.
LC: Do you think that’s Richard’s chair?
SA: Unsure. But I will say that Emily is clearly continuing on plotting the demise of the world around her. She’s going to be ruling the world by the end of this revival.
LC: I think she just realized how to break Lorelai and Luke up once and for all without leaving her fingerprints on it this time.
SA: Or she just murdered him and is waiting for the police to show up, unfazed by what she did.
LC: Ding ding ding!
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SA: I refuse to believe that there is a life out there where Lorelei and Luke aren’t dating. So I’m standing firm in that they will start the revival together and end the revival together, hopefully getting married.
LC: I genuinely think Luke is too old to be dressed this way. But I agree with you. Luke and Lorelai have been through enough. So have we (that’s what really matters). Leave them alone. Let them be happy. They look so happy here.
SA: Hahaha. The hat is definitely just a prop at this point to cover up Scott Patterson’s hair line. I can’t fault his attire. It’s so Luke.
LC: This is the big one. Is Rory a teacher? Or is she just a guest speaker at Chilton?
SA: Honestly, she better be a journalist or else I’m flipping a table.
LC: Maybe the show is interested in portraying the very real problem of young journalists being able to find jobs in the industry.
SA: Fine. Then she shouldn’t be guest lecturing at Chilton. She should be working in a fast food restaurant deep frying [bleep].
LC: Just look at her, so comfortable up there. Like she was born to lecture 16-year-olds who could truly not give fewer [bleeps] about the motifs in “Jane Eyre.”
SA: LOL
SA: Everybody looks really stunned so maybe they are announcing that Taylor has finally resigned from being the town’s pain in the ass. Fingers crossed. Although, can’t complain too much as that provides some essential comedy.
LC: Who are all these people? Where’s Andrew? Where’s Town Troubadour? There are all these randos here that I don’t know. Like I’m supposed to believe Stars Hollow got new residents in the last 10 years.
SA: WHERE IS KIRK? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHERE IS KIRK?
LC: OH MY GOD. Just noticed his absence. How old do you think Kirk is now? He doesn’t seem human enough to have an age. Like Ted Cruz.
SA: Or a McDonald’s cheeseburger.
SA: “Oh, blow it out your ass, Emily.”
“Don’t talk to me like that, young lady.”
I think I pretty much nailed that.
LC: No, this one’s easy. Rory just told Emily that she’s quitting journalism for teaching and Emily is like, “Excuse me, we did not pay $200,000 on your Ivy League education so you could become a common teacher.”
SA: Oh, because journalism is a much better choice.
LC: I mean, Emily didn’t think she was going to be blogging about TV shows like some people. She was going to be a foreign correspondent and report on things that *matter.*
SA: Yes, like what’s going to happen in the “Gilmore Girls” revival.
LC: Exactly. That’s for talentless delinquents.
SA: And hacks.
SA: This is it. This is where the final four words are said: “Rory, I’m your mother.”
LC: It’s got to be the final four words moment. Look at Lorelai’s face. So emotional. “You’re a wizard, Rory.” And by wizard, I mean journalist. (Can’t let this go.)
SA: “Luke is your dad.”
“I hate Chinese food.”
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It could really be anything.
LC: If Luke is her dad, Jess is her cousin, and that WOULD be really emotional.
SA: Welp.
LC: I think our predicting work here is done.