Football players are accustomed to running into things intentionally, though that usually doesn’t extend to their commute.
The ride that Bears tight end Zach Miller and punter Pat O’Donnell took Wednesday, however, played against that type.
The athletes were guests on “Pothole Dummy,” an Internet video series created by Advance Auto Parts and starring Chicago actor Daniel Strauss. Basically, Strauss cruises the streets trying to hit as many potholes as he can to bring attention to the cost of repairs from hitting them; Advance estimates they cost drivers about $3 billion per year. As of Wednesday afternoon, which was Day 3 of the five-day series, Strauss had tackled 545 potholes.
Among the topics covered on their trip in the vicinity of Soldier Field were whether cows should lie down while sleeping (Miller thinks that’s lazy, Strauss is all for it) and punter walk-up songs (If such a thing existed, O’Donnell’s would be Will Smith’s “Welcome to Miami,” where he played in college).
Here are the biggest takeaways from the Bears’ guest appearance.
Watch where you’re standing
Miller asked Strauss if he had ever doused a bystander by driving through a puddle. Strauss said he never had done so intentionally, and after the host shared a story of a bus driver accidentally drenching some poor soul, O’Donnell added this observation: “You ever noticed the biggest puddles are at bus stops? That must be some kind of sick joke.”
Miller’s undecided on whether he’d go through with such a prank.
“Sometimes it would just be super funny, but I’d feel terrible,” he said.
Real eye black > fake eye black
In light of Strauss wearing eye black for the trip, Miller said he’s willing to sacrifice smelling good for looking good.
“Last year was the first year I put on the eye black, and it smells kind of funny,” the tight end said. “… I tried the [adhesive] strips, but that’s not as cool.”
Don’t mess with Nebraska
Miller hails from Weston, Neb., with a population of a little more than 300. When O’Donnell took shots at his teammate’s hometown (“What do you do for food out there, smoke the cows and pick up the eggs from the chickens?”), Miller wasn’t having it.
“We’d be lost without the state of Nebraska, I’m just telling you,” he said. “When you want the top 2 percent of beef in the world, where are you going? You’re not going to Iowa. Sorry, Iowa.”
Reality shows rock
Miller’s a fan of reality shows like “The Profit,” which stars Camping World CEO Marcus Lemonis.
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“I think I like him because he’s just like straightforward, no B.S.,” he said.
Bad connections
If Miller’s TV provider was paying attention to Wednesday’s live-streaming video, the company might want to give me a call to straighten things out.
“This is what irritates me,” he said. “They broadcast this fastest high-speed Internet, and you can bundle it. Why do you broadcast it on my TV when I can’t get it in my area? I’ve called them hundreds of times. Like we don’t use Internet in Nebraska?”
Big hits ‘don’t hurt’
Strauss asked Miller and O’Donnell about the biggest hits they suffered on the field. Both players mentioned instances on special teams; Miller pointed to a play his rookie year with Jacksonville.
“I had no idea what I was doing; I was a college quarterback, so I had never played the real game of football,” he said, going on describe a hit he didn’t see coming around a corner. “It’s one of those things where you get hit so hard and so clean that it does not hurt.”
O’Donnell wound up in unfriendly territory when he was laid out.
“In college [while I was] trying to defend the sideline, I got blindsided right into the visitors’ bench,” he said.