As Donald Trump rolls inexorably toward the Republican presidential nomination, more and more Americans are investigating the possibility of moving to Canada. While the paper application process to become a landed immigrant is fairly straightforward, it’s a little-known fact that applicants also have to pass an interview to establish whether they would make good Canadians.
In the spirit of international cooperation, I’m offering the following sample questions to test your Canadian bona fides:
1. If it’s 25 degrees Celsius outside, which would you do?
a) wear a heavy, down-filled vest
b) sunbathe in the backyard
c) get out the snowblower
d) watch a hockey game
The correct answer is b or d. Twenty-five degrees Celsius is 77 degrees Fahrenheit, so you might be inclined to take in some sun, but watching hockey is an acceptable year-round Canadian pastime.
2. What is a tuque?
a) a knitted woolen hat to keep your head warm
b) a knitted woolen accessory to keep under your kilt
c) an Inuit soapstone carving
d) not sure, but it’s twice as big as a oneque
The correct answer is a, although we would also accept b.
3. Canada has both a one-dollar coin and a two-dollar coin. What are their nicknames?
a) onesie and twosie
b) Moonie and Sunni
c) loonie and twonie
d) 75 cents and a buck-and-a-half American
The correct answer is c, although d is actually more accurate.
4. What is Canada’s national capital?
a) Toronto
b) Vancouver
c) Washington, D.C.
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d) Ottawa
The correct answer is d but partial marks for c.
5. What type of government does Canada have?
a) constitutional monarchy
b) parliamentary democracy
c) dysfunctional lethargy
d) all of the above
Not surprisingly, the complete answer is d.
6. Who is Canada’s Donald Trump?
a) former Prime Minister Stephen Harper
b) former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford
c) former reality TV star Kevin O’Leary
d) none of the above
The correct answer is d. We can’t really compete with The Donald.
7. What is Canada’s favorite condiment?
a) vinegar
b) cheese curds
c) gravy
d) maple syrup
There is no single right answer. They’re all great condiments.
8. What is Canada’s national anthem?
a) “O Canada”
b) “God Save the Queen”
c) “The Maple Leaf Forever”
d) “Sorry” by Justin Bieber
Technically a is the correct answer, but d is a close second.
9. What is Canada’s official national sport?
a) lacrosse
b) hockey
c) whining
d) complaining
The correct answer is a in the summer, b in the winter, and c and d year-round.
10. Who is the Prime Minister of Canada?
a) Justin Trudeau
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b) Pierre Trudeau
c) Margaret Trudeau
d) that other guy
The right answer is a, although it was b and sometimes has been d.
David Martin lives in Ottawa, Ontario. He is the author of “Screams & Whispers,” a humor collection.