“The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless.”
So we were told on an episode of “The Simpsons.”
That’s certainly a debatable assertion.
But what is pointless is the attempt each year by newspapers and TV news to sell Super Bowl watchers on the idea of eating healthy food while watching the game.
This year is no different. On one TV news segment, the newsreader and a chef urged football fans to serve mini-grilled chicken sandwiches on whole-wheat pita bread.
And what goes better with mini-grilled chicken sandwiches on whole-wheat pita bread than red cabbage salad – with all the sliced carrots you want?
Don’t forget the accompaniments: hummus, sliced veggies and falafel.
Do these foods – good as they might be under other circumstances – say football to you?
Football is burgers, brats, wings, hot dogs, pizza, nachos and pretty much any meat-based substance that can be grilled or fried.
Football is simplicity, or so we like to think. It is guys hitting other guys. Complexity is not part of the football package.
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So, what football fan wants to prepare to watch the Super Bowl by making mini-grilled chicken sandwiches on whole-wheat pita bread? First of all, the prefix “mini” is not part of a football fan’s vocabulary. And second, those mini-chicken sandwiches on whole-wheat pita bread require 14 steps to create.
Fourteen steps, when it’s just one step to slap a brat on the grill, or make one phone call to a pizzeria?
And as for the health argument, well that might have some legitimacy if we ate Super Bowl food every day of the year.
But, we don’t, most of us anyway.
There are 364 other days in the year to eat sensibly. The Super Bowl is one day. Want to splurge on food? Go ahead.
The Super Bowl may, or may not, be pointless. But it certainly is all about excess. Just consider the halftime shows, the commercials, the puppies and you’ll see I am right.
So, partake of that excess. Eat what you like.
And pass the hot sauce.
Paul Sassone is a freelance columnist for Pioneer Press.