FYI, I’m holding what is sure to be Wednesday night’s eventual $1.5 billion-winning Powerball ticket, according to the children who would stand to never have to work a day in their lives should that actually prove to be true.
Upfront, we don’t actively promote gambling in our house, legal or otherwise. But when the prize gets this big, even the kids are bound to hear about it somewhere. Like when I lunge through the door proclaiming that I’ve just bought our Powerball tickets, an exclamation that apparently sets young minds to work spending the money long before it’s been won. Or, more to the point, long before it hasn’t.
Admittedly, it’s hard to imagine just how unlikely it is to match five winning numbers between 1 and 69 and a sixth number between 1 and 26.
How unlikely? The chances are 1 in 292,201,338, according to Powerball.com. For perspective, the odds of being struck by lightning are 1 in 750,000, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration says, or 389 times more likely.
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How unlikely? So unlikely that despite the 44 U.S. states and three territories where Powerball tickets are sold, nobody in any of them has matched the winning numbers since Nov. 4, a span of 19 rollovers of the jackpot. But each rollover drives more ticket sales, which pushes the jackpot higher, again driving more ticket sales and increasing the likelihood that somebody – anybody! – will win the next drawing.
If your kids are like ours, you’ve been inundated of late with questions that start with, “If we win the Powerball, can we get …”
Not that far removed from the holidays, I borrowed from the Christmas list tradition by starting a new tradition of our own – the Powerball Wish List, as I’ve done every time a lottery jackpot has topped $1 billion. (Counting this time, that makes once.) Each child was asked to write down 10 things they would want to spend Powerball winnings on should they come to enjoy that unlikely opportunity.
Our daughter was the first one onboard. That record $1.5 billion ($930 million lump sum; or about $450 million after taxes) can go by fast, she reasoned. So we’ll have to prioritize.
Exercises like this will reveal more about your children than you might expect. Her list included both the selfless “donate to charity,” as well as the exact opposite “1,000,000,000,000 clothes.” To be clear, that’s 1 trillion clothes, but fear not. The girl has a practical side as well, also including “buy mansion” on her list, accommodations that would surely come with enough closet space to hold such an expansive wardrobe.
She’d also like front-row season tickets for the Blackhawks, Cubs and Bulls (sorry Bears and Sox), acquisitions made easier in part by the fact she would also like us to buy the Cubs, which should get us a line on some decent seats at Wrigley Field anyway. She’d also like a Fitbit, a computer, a business (let’s call that the Cubs) and a trip to California.
The Blackhawks were a popular theme for all three kids, with the boys desiring season tickets as well, the youngest describing his preferred seats as “up to the glass.” That shouldn’t be a problem, as he’d like to also buy the “Blackhawks’ stadium,” though the Bulls and their owner Jerry Reinsdorf might have something to say about that. Once in those seats, the lad would wear his “signed Blackhawks jersey,” also bought with Powerball winnings. He didn’t specify by whom he would like it signed, but with $1.5 billion, he could probably get it autographed by anyone he’d like.
Some other items on the younger boy’s list were relatively quaint: a big iPad (one can only imagine just HOW big), gold Legos, a smart watch, a new basketball hoop, and Nike and Under Armour clothes.
The oldest was also fairly retail-oriented, including such usual suspects as an iPhone 6S, his own Xbox (so he’d not have to share our existing one with his siblings, presumably), and an Apple Watch. But not just any Apple Watch. With that $1.5 billion, he’d like the $17,000 gold-plated version he found online.
The final tech item on Sporto’s list was a hoverboard, curiously listed directly above “new house.” No doubt a subconscious nod to the fact that once he has the hoverboard, it will promptly proceed to catch fire, thus burning our existing home to the ground.
To round things out, he included “all the Nike and Under Armour I want” and “tons of Michigan State stuff” as he’s a fan of all of them and, well, billionaires have to wear SOMETHING. Finally, Sporto’s list concluded with “anything else I can think of,” covering himself in the likely eventuality that something essential had slipped through the cracks.
But the biggest surprises came from the younger two, who would like to add to our family. Our daughter, the only girl alongside two brothers, has requested a “robot sister,” apparently having given up on the chances of the living variety, or perhaps just so she can program it to do whatever she’d like. Meanwhile, our younger son, perhaps realizing our imminent need for security, has requested “one or two secret agents” to guard him at all times. After all, a billionaire must have an entourage.
So there you have it, our very own Naperville economic stimulus program, funneling at least a good chunk of our winnings right back into the local economy.
Of course, we don’t really expect to win. I remind the kids of that every time they mention the Powerball, the wish list exercise itself intended to show the ludicrousness of it all.
Then again, on the off chance this column is absent next week, you’ll know why …
Rob Manker is a freelance writer who lives, works and parents in Naperville.