“Merry Christmas, Grandma. No, I’m not a lesbian just because I’m still single.” “Good to see you, too, Uncle Randy—let’s save all crass commentary on Syrian refugees for your Facebook posts, which I’ve blocked from my newsfeed.” “No, Mom, I don’t like the game where you and Dad try to make me leave the room with your butt stuff jokes. But since you brought it up, I’m gonna go now.” If this doesn’t sound like your Christmas Day, you probably already celebrated Hanukkah or you’re lying.
Regardless, there are plenty of us who still need something to do on the day when most of the country shuts down in honor of gross consumerism. A handful of Chicago bars are offering solace for those who need a drink on Dec. 25. Be sure to tip your bartenders well—instead of hanging out with their folks, they’re graciously serving those of us who prefer to avoid family functions.
Slippery Slope
2357 N. Milwaukee Ave. 773-799-8504
Logan Square’s best Friday night dance party Superfriends is gonna make you sweat with a dancey mix of indie rock, hip-hop and everything in between. 8 p.m.–2 a.m.
Kit Kat Lounge and Supper Club
3700 N. Halsted St. 773-525-1111
Christmas is about giving, so bring a canned good donation for Heartland Health Outreach and get half-off the Boystown bar’s holiday martinis and prix-fixe dinner menu ($14 each and $49.95, respectively, before donation). Choose from cocktails like the banana nut bread with banana rum, hazelnut liqueur and cream or Frosty’s Going Down with whipped cream-flavored vodka, marshmallow fluff and cream garnished with chocolate and a marshmallow snowman. 5:30 p.m.–2 a.m.
Berlin
954 W. Belmont Ave. 773-348-4975
Get down with DJ Greg Haus at the Boytown late-night bar’s Xmas Night Dance Party. Drink specials include $3 Bacardi bombs and $5 tropical sex cocktails. 10 p.m.–4 a.m.
Division Ale House
1942 W. Division St. 773-384-6886
The Wicker Park bar taps 3 Floyds Brewing Co. Alpha Klaus, the Christmas porter version of Alpha King, and offers $8 snifters (while supplies lasts). Plus, take advantage of $4 domestic bottles and $3 Fireball shots. Kitchen is closed for the evening. 7 p.m.–2 a.m.
Bangers & Lace
1670 W. Division St. 773-252-6499
While “bangers” aren’t an option (kitchen’s closed), there’s still plenty of “lace,” aka the beer foam that sticks to the side of your squeaky-clean glass, to be had at this Wicker Park craft beer bar. 8 p.m.–2 a.m.
The Broken Shaker
19 E. Ohio St. 312-940-3699
Free milk and cookies at the bar—it’s Santa’s lucky day! Try tropical-inspired and savory cocktails, such as Garrett’s old fashioned with bourbon, popcorn cordial and corn whiskey finished with salted butter and cheese bitters ($13), at the River North bar. 4 p.m. to midnight.
GMan Tavern
3740 N. Clark St. 773-549-2050
One of Wrigleyville’s only non-sports bars offers $5 drafts and holiday cocktails and good tunes, per usual. 7 p.m.–2 a.m.
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Underground Wonder Bar
710 N. Clark St. 312-266-7761
There’s no shortage of good music here with three acts including guitarist Smokin’ Joe (9–10 p.m.), jazz-funk band Hotel Tramps (11 p.m.–3:30 a.m.) and Afrofuturistic downstairs (10 p.m.–3:30 a.m.) . 5 p.m.–4 a.m. $10.
Kingston Mines
2548 N. Halsted St. 773-477-4646
The Lincoln Park venue is all about booze, blues and barbecue with performances by soul singer and guitarist Vance Kelly and singer-songwriter Linsey Alexander. 7 p.m.–4 a.m. $10-$15.
Exit
1315 W. North Ave. 773-395-7250
Punk doesn’t stop for Christmas, and Exit has been 365 for so long, there’s no way it can’t be open at this point. 9 p.m.–4 a.m.
Headquarters Beercade
2833 N. Sheffield Ave. 773-665-5660 and 213 W. Institute Place 312-291-8735
It wouldn’t be Christmas without Mortal Kombat and pinball … I guess. Take half off all beers at the Lakeview location or get $4 beers and $5 hot drinks in River North. 5 p.m.–2 a.m.
Hopleaf Bar
5148 N. Clark St. 773-334-9851
Uptown’s esteemed craft beer bar is always there when you need it (just not the kitchen today). 7 p.m.–2 a.m.
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