NASA stories have been in the news a lot lately, with seemingly daily updates on the discovery of new potential Earth-like worlds, flowing water on Mars and an asteroid that’s set to whiz through our cosmic neighborhood on Halloween, missing us by a scant 300,000 miles.
Far and wide throughout the solar system, the Milky Way galaxy and across the universe, the search for life goes on, or at least for potential signs of it. With an estimated 100 billion stars in the Milky Way – one of perhaps 10 trillion galaxies in the universe – that makes our sun one of 100 octillion stars or more. That’s a 1 with 29 zeros after it. Or, to put things in perspective, roughly the same as the number of Donald Trump stories currently in your Facebook newsfeed.
No matter your vantage point, the odds would seem to be extraordinarily against Earth life being the only life out there. Which raises some intriguing questions: As we look for other beings, might they too be looking for us? Will we land there before they arrive here? Assuming of course they haven’t already.
We would study each other’s worlds, marveling at their customs and they at ours. Take, for instance, the rites of Halloween. If alien life were to come calling on Oct. 31, what might they think of this bizarre, foreign civilization and of our rituals?
Larry Alien: “Boss, we’ve encountered life out here on the big blue one, but we’re not sure how intelligent they are. They seem to dress their young up in all manner of face shields and uniforms, but only once per solar revolution. Some of them even look like us!”
Gary Alien: “How odd. Is this in preparation for battle? Perhaps their military is assembling!”
Larry Alien: “Quite possibly. They do seem to be threatening repeated attacks. It appears that the larger ones shepherd the smaller ones to a series of adjacent dwellings where the little ones then beg for nourishment in exchange for not attacking the residents’ quarters. And the residents happily acquiesce.”
Gary Alien: “OK, Larry. No intelligent life there. Move on to the red one.”
Of course, there’s actually much more to it than that. We all know the true origins of Halloween, trick-or-treating and why we dress in costume – to drive revenue for the candy companies and so costume shops give us something to occupy our abandoned strip malls for six weeks each fall.
At first glance, it would all appear quite peculiar to the uninitiated. Perhaps that’s why the City of Naperville has no official ordinance prescribing recommended trick-or-treating hours.
But that’s only the beginning. Think about what we do two months later.
Larry Alien: “Hey, Gary. Nothing on the red one. Just some weird contraption driving around in circles taking pictures of itself. So I decided to bop back over here to the blue one.”
Gary Alien: “OK, Larry. This is going to be one heck of a mileage reimbursement.”
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Larry Alien: “Yeah, yeah. So, get this. Now some of these beings are bringing dead trees into their living quarters. It seems a large being in a red uniform will visit their dwellings in his flying vessel, leaving surprise packages in the dwellings under the trees. All in one night!”
Gary Alien: “What? And I thought the door-to-door military exercises were strange.”
Larry Alien: “That’s not all. Seems the being in the red uniform enters the dwellings from a hole in the roof, scaling his way down through a pit of fire!”
Gary Alien: “These beings are nuts.”
Larry Alien: “Indeed. I’ll go check out the yellow one on the other side.”
In fairness, not all humans recognize Christmas and the existence of Santa Claus, and there is much more to the season than simply a jolly man in a flying sleigh landing on your roof and descending your chimney – don’t forget the gobs of cash for retailers and the abandoned strip mall parking spaces that double as tree lots.
Finally, we do it to ourselves again in the spring, the season of rebirth.
Larry Alien: “Yeah, Gary. Nothing on the yellow one, but she sure is a beauty.”
Gary Alien: “OK, Larry. Are you finally on your way back?”
Larry Alien: “Nah, I wanted to swing by the blue one just one more time. These beings are fascinating. I had to see what they’re up to now.”
Gary Alien: “And?”
Larry Alien: “Well, they’ve topped themselves this time. Now they have some giant, mutant furry creature with floppy ears hiding eggs around the dwellings.”
Gary Alien: “Larry, we’re pulling the plug on your mission. We can’t justify this silliness any longer.”
Larry Alien: “But, wait. I haven’t told you the best part. The furry creature doesn’t even lay eggs!”
Gary Alien: “Goodbye, Larry.”
Again, there’s much more to the Easter season than a big bunny stashing stuff in your yard – it’s a real heyday for the egg industry, but doesn’t really do much for those strip malls.
So, as you put the finishing touches on your costumes and those for the little ones, take a moment to reflect on the inanity of our actions. Stop and ask yourself what Larry and Gary Alien would think. Be safe, and keep the kids from waging military conflict on the neighbors.
You never know who’s watching.
Twitter: @RobManker
Rob Manker is a freelance writer who lives, works, parents in Naperville.