“Rich conversations have difficulty competing with even a silent phone,” says author, clinical psychologist and MIT Professor Sherry Terkle. As the use of devices such as cell phones has increased, the depth and quality of our face-to-face conversations have deteriorated, Turkle said Oct. 8 at First Presbyterian Church of Lake Forest.
Turkle studies the intersection of technology and human relations. Her latest book, “Reclaiming Conversation: the Power of Talk in a Digital Age,” was published earlier in October. Her talk was organized by Lake Forest College and paid for by the Oppenheimer Family Foundation. About 450 audience members attended Turkle’s talk.
“People readily admit that in business or love, they would really rather text or message than talk face to face,” Turkle said. “We can control our time and put our attention where we want it to be. We never have to be alone. We feel we have our best shot at presenting ourselves as we want to be seen.”
Communicating through devices has a cost, what Turkle calls a “flight from conversation.” Face-to-face conversations “allow ourselves to be fully present and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. These are occasions where intimacy lives.”
In addition, the quality of conversation along with the connection between people deteriorates, Turkle said.
“Research shows that even a silent phone on a lunch table causes us to share less with each other,” Turkle said. “The conversation becomes on topics you don’t mind being interrupted over. More important, the empathic connection between two people gets interrupted.
Turkle said over the past 20 years, the number of clinical psychological “empathy markers” have declined by 40 percent among college students. These exercises count emotional responses of sympathy for another person or situation.
“Most of the decline has taken place in the last 10 years,” she said.
Communicating by technology also has consequences for individuals.
“We become accustomed to thinking of life as a steady feed,” Turkle said. “We slip into thinking that always being connected will make us less lonely. [But] if we’re unable to be alone, we’re going to be more lonely.
“If we don’t teach our children to be alone, they will only know how to be lonely.”
Turkle is careful to say that she’s not against technology.
“I’m not here to talk about how we should give up our phones,” Turkle said. “I’m here about how we should use them mindfully and with intention.”
Turkle suggested several “first steps” in that direction. One is to keep cell phone out of sight during meals.
“When you go to lunch with your children and put a phone on the table, the presence of a device signals your attention is already divided,” Turkle said.
Next, understand that multi-tasking is a myth.
“Accept what research has made clear; we become less effective with every new task that we multi-task,” Turkle said. “Our brains don’t know how to do it. When you add a task, you think you’re doing better and better. [Objectivly] you are doing worse and worse.”
Also, Turkle suggests cultivating solitude.
“You have to learn to listen to your own life,” Turkel said. “Go slowly, find your own agenda. Give yourself permission to respond to an e-mail by saying, ‘I’m thinking.’ It will go viral.”
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She also suggests giving any conversation at least seven minutes.
“Conversation, like life, has silences and boring bits,” Turkle said. “It’s often in the moments we stumble and hesitate and fall silent that we most reveal ourselves to each other.”
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