I’ve got some good news and some bad news for us, Bears fans.
The good news is that the Chicago Bears are not as bad as we thought they were.
The bad news is that the Chicago Bears are not as bad as we thought they were.
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A quick look at the NFL defensive rankings reveals the Bears are seventh (yikes) in yardage allowed.
Man, I thought the Cubs were ahead of schedule!
And now, with Jay Cutler back, well, I think were at least a 5-11 team.
I know that’s incredibly painful, and a tremendous reflection of lowered expectations, but check the schedule.
We’re going to beat Tampa Bay—sorry, Lovie. And worse, the Lions are back to being the Lions!
Two more wins! Add in another chippy win when the weather gets cold—I’m thinking San Francisco in December—and we’re 5-11.
That’s NOT 2-14, 1-15 bad, people. That means we’re not getting the top draft pick. We’re NOT getting that one guy who will make a huge difference for us at I don’t know, say … the position under center.
You know it could be worse. It could be the White Sox. They were so bad this past year that they’re bringing back the same manager next year. Yes … the Reinsdorf loyalty/celebration of mediocrity continues!
Or does it? The White Sox were so bad, it actually forced Ken Harrelson to step away and only call road games.
Huh? I thought once you got older you were only supposed to call home games? I’m confused.
Anyway, we’re looking for an announcer! He/she just has to root, root, root for the home team and possess very few analytical skills. Steve Stone can handle that. Just see everything through rose-colored glasses.
As for the Bulls, I’m looking at them through non-Rose-colored glasses. As in, no Derrick Rose, no problem.
You see, I’m a Jimmy Butler guy. And I’ll bet/guess that everyone else on the Bulls is too. And the formula is simple: heart and desire. There’s no sabermetrics to it.
Which brings us to the Cubs and Jake Arrieta. A year early my tail. Cue the Steve Goodman music, cue whatever, this is on.
I don’t know how it ends, but I do love Chicago when it gets crazy like this. I keep thinking of the Joker, riding around in a cop car, sticking his head out like a dog in “The Dark Knight.” That’s Chicago for the next few weeks.
Bag Boy is a RedEye contributor.