The Cubs’ postseason return means the national media commencing a Chicago Cubs cliche convention is inevitable. The longer the Cubs’ playoff run, the more trite the national coverage will become. At best, there will be incessant references to the”Back to the Future Part II” prophecy, “lovable losers” and 1908. At worst, we’ll endure discussion of the Billy Goat curse, Al Capone and Jim Belushi. Yes, Jim Belushi imagery could be an unfortunate side effect of a Cubs World Series appearance.
Consider this an open letter to the national media. From one journalist to another, here’s what NOT to do in your Cubs playoffs coverage. The Billy Goat curse is potentially the worst of the six cliches we’ve already mentioned because it could likely be the most shopworn by the end of October. Major League Baseball holds its postseason in the same month as Halloween, therefore curses, black cats, etc., are currently top of mind. The Cubs are the team slapped with the “cursed” tag most often today, but the Boston Red Sox were stricken with it prior to 2004. That season, a BoSox team built by Theo Epstein won their first World Series since 1918, and the media declared their hex (“The Curse of the Bambino”) removed.
Speaking about Epstein, the current Cubs president is often deemed the smartest man in the room, no matter what room he’s in. You’ve heard the message and you’ll hear it again repeatedly: “Epstein has/had a master plan, a plan built on a foundation of super-prospects, and this plan is progressing ahead of schedule.” Yes, the Cubs weren’t supposed to be this good already.
All lead-in music for nationally televised Chicago sports must include a blues guitar riff. Also, transitioning to commercial must include footage of deep-dish pizza, sausage grilling or hot dog toppings. We’ll overlook those platitudes as long as no one does the stale “Daaaaaa Bearrrrrrrs” accent bit. We’ll also excuse 1908 allusions, as long as they spotlight Orval Overall, the cornerstone of the Cubs 1900s dynasty.
Your Cubs playoff bingo card (or drinking game) coverage also includes the “I love the Cubs so much, I’m such a tortured soul, and why do I willingly sign up for this every season?” essay and the “Kyle Schwarber/Kris Bryant/Addison Russell/Jorge Soler is the next big thing” puff piece. The super-prospect storyline may be a novel concept to other markets, but here in Chi-Town (pro tip: no one who lives here actually calls it “Chi-Town”), we’ve been talking about them since 2011.
There’s one exceedingly tired, incredibly predictable Cubs cliche that hasn’t been mentioned yet. It’s the worst of all, and that’s why we won’t even say his name. Of course, we’ll see footage of him, and that foul ball that careened off Moises Alou’s glove in 2003. He doesn’t do interviews, and he doesn’t want attention. So let’s respect his wishes for privacy by not publicizing him. Let’s also point out the fact that “Back to the Future Part II” was written by a Cardinals fan and directed by a White Sox fan.
Paul M. Banks is a RedEye contributor