The only thing that could make the Kansas-Rutgers game worse is if Charlie Weis parachuted in to coach the Jayhawks. Kansas dumped Coach Arrogance after two-plus dreadful seasons (3-22 against FBS teams), writing him big checks to stay away.
Notre Dame is doing the same. When it’s all over, the two programs will have combined to pay him $24.5 million in buyouts, according to ESPN. Money well spent.
On to the games:
BYU (plus 6.5) at Michigan: The banged-up Cougars will need another Hail Mary just to beat the spread. Take Michigan.
Central Michigan (plus 26) at Michigan State: The Spartans have pleased their fans (3-0) but not their investors (0-3). So they’re due.
Southern Miss (plus 21.5) at Nebraska: The Golden Eagles can score. And if you hadn’t heard, Nebraska has some holes on “D.”
San Diego State (plus 15) at Penn State: Could this be the week Christian Hackenberg breaks out for a passing performance of … 150 yards? Take Penn State.
Kansas (plus 14) at Rutgers: The Regretta-bowl features a team with a suspended coach against a team that has lost 30 straight road games. Can I pick a push? No? OK, Rutgers it is.
Western Michigan (plus 32.5) at Ohio State: One of these games, the Buckeyes will break out. I just don’t think it will be against the tougher-than-you-think Broncos.
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Bowling Green (minus 4.5) at Purdue: How to pronounce the last name of new Boilermakers quarterback David Blough? Rhymes with Plow, as in “That name again is Mr. Plow.” The pick: Bowling Green.
Indiana (minus 3.5) at Wake Forest: The Hoosiers are jonesing for a visit from ESPN’s “GameDay” crew when they host Ohio State next week. To have any chance, they must beat the sad-sack Demon Deacons. I believe they will (by four).
Maryland (plus 16.5) at West Virginia: It’s a rivalry game, and Maryland isn’t that bad. Take the points.
North Texas (plus 25) at Iowa: The coaches (Dan McCarney and Kirk Ferentz) are buddies, so go with the won’t-run-it-up theory and the Mean Green.
Middle Tennessee (plus 4) at Illinois: This line is shrinking faster than spinach in a saute pan. Isn’t Illinois good enough to win by a touchdown?
Ohio (plus 10) at Minnesota: Until these Gophers (3.9 yards per carry, last in the Big Ten) start looking like the GOPHERS, I can’t pick ’em. Take the Bobcats.
Ball State (plus 19.5) at Northwestern: Pat Fitzgerald will keep it super-vanilla and play subs a week before the Big Ten opener, but David Haugh’s Cardinals still won’t keep it close. Take the Wildcats.
Hawaii (plus 24.5) at Wisconsin: No idea on this one (or most, based on my record). All I know is Badgers tailback Corey Clement must be seriously bummed about needing surgery. Go with Hawaii.
Last week: 5-7-1.
Season: 11-18-1.
Twitter @TeddyGreenstein