The most common thought in my head after my first workout after a long break away from the gym is, “Why haven’t I lost 50 pounds yet?”
Seriously, dieting blows, and I really [bleep]ing love doughnuts.
I know weight problems are common. In fact, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, about one-third (that’s 78.6 million) of U.S. adults are obese. I have struggled with my weight for most of my life. I would get mad at myself for gaining weight and then I’d lose a lot of weight, tell myself I would never gain it back but then see food and forget everything I just told myself.
My problem stemmed from not wanting to take the necessary steps to lose weight. I have never enjoyed going to the gym, and cutting out foods I love was just not an option.
But then the July Fourth weekend happened.
I was heading up to Milwaukee to visit a friend when I tried on a pair of shorts that fit me a year ago. I slid them over my legs, and when I went to button those bad boys, I got sad. Sure, I could button them. But I looked a lot like Jabba the Hutt.
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No one enjoys realizing they’ve gained weight. And it’s not like I didn’t know. Trust me, eating doughnuts all the time and not working out does not help your waistline despite what you tell yourself. So I packed a different pair of shorts and spent the holiday weekend binge-eating. Because why not?
The truth is, the older I get, the harder it is for me to seriously lose weight. I lose motivation and focus quickly. So I bought new shoes and slowly started making the effort. Look, I’m clearly not an expert in weight loss. Sometimes the methods I use to lose weight don’t work. I’m even eating a doughnut right now as I reflect on my recent weight troubles. It’s my second doughnut of the week.
But to kick-start some serious weight loss, I cut back on dairy and sugar. I started working out several days a week. I was not eating kale. I will never eat kale. Fuck that green stuff. I even stopped weighing myself because it felt like no matter how active I was, that number would always hold me back. “What the [bleep]?!!! I haven’t lost 100 pounds yet? Ugh, give me a doughnut. I give up.”
I started to see results when I stopped thinking about dieting as a number of pounds I needed to lose. It wasn’t about the number. It was just about me being happy. If I want Chipotle, I’m going to eat Chipotle. Muffin with my coffee in the morning? Yes, if I want it then I will have it. If I miss a day at the gym because I’d rather watch Netflix? Welp, that’s OK because the gym is still going to be there tomorrow.
It’s no longer about the number. It’s just about feeling better. I recognize that my body is not a temple. It’s a warehouse that was abandoned in the mid-’90s, and maybe with some care and maintenance, it can be restored back to its original warehouse glory.
But until then I’m going to keep working out, eating Chipotle (and pizza and bagels) and not drinking kale, and I’m even going to continue to throw back a few beers every week. Because life is a lot more fun when you’re contemplating shots of Malort with a friend and not thinking about whether or not your pants are going to fit tomorrow.
Sara Amato is a RedEye designer.