Beyond the thrill of nabbing Adrian Peterson with your first pick or the lottery-winning satisfaction of stealing Andrew Luck when unprepared rivals let him slip to the third round, one of the most important parts of fantasy football is knowing your league’s owners.
Whether sparring to be the fantasy savant with co-workers, reliving neighborhood rivalries with childhood friends or targeting a big payday with a bunch of online strangers, do your homework early.
Knowing the habits, tendencies and favorite teams of fellow owners can be as essential to winning (and having fun) as knowing which backups to draft to ensure your bye weeks are covered. Regardless of your league, here are three owners you should get to know. Strategize accordingly.
The Virgin
Everyone remembers their first time. For most of us, it was over before it began as the excitement was just too much for us to handle.
This owner will awkwardly fondle their way through the draft, making obscure picks, or worse, experience premature e-draftulation, in which the pressure of performing is so great, they are quick on the trigger and explode after their first pick.
Then performance anxiety often leads to them letting the computer draft their team. Be supportive and reassuring, schooling them on the importance of patience of making the experience last by drafting manually. You might discover they have plenty of reserves in terms of players they’re willing to share.
More Top Picks Best Cold Weather Sleeping Bags
The Boy Who Cried Wolf
This is the owner who has an excuse pre-written for every bonehead move they make during the season, starting with the draft.
If they draft Jordy Nelson or commit a similar fumble, they will cry that they “had a computer glitch.” If they bench several players who have record scoring weeks, they will claim they were victim of a data hack more sinister than a celebrity iPhone scandal. Get the picture? Be sure to offer them cheese and bread with their whine as they offer only sour grapes in return.
The Asinine Over-Analyzer
Here’s the “Big Bang Theory” on this type of owner: RUN. Every trade you propose or question you ask is followed by an onslaught of statistics because they want you to know they have a Beautiful Mind.
Hearing Matt Forte’s rushing differential on turf versus grass can as be irritating as Sheldon Cooper repeatedly chanting “Penny” when he wants attention. Statistically, the odds aren’t in your favor, but if you must trade with them, feed their ego and concede to their superiority. The bazinga might be on them.
If you take away anything from this week’s column and find yourself saying, “My league doesn’t have anyone like that,” take a look in the mirror. Admission is the first step to healing.
Next week: The Art of Fantasy Smack Talk.
Need fantasy football relationship advice? Tweet @thesoxman72.
For more RedEye sports, click here.