Just two hours before America tunes in to Jon Stewart’s final episode of “The Daily Show” on Thursday night, 10 Republican candidates will be putting on a show we’re sure Stewart would have loved to comment on in a later episode: the first GOP primary debate.
We’ll let other news outlets give you the poll numbers, candidate backgrounds and primers on the issues. Instead, here’s a drinking game to keep you entertained throughout the debate. Though these candidates might be entertaining enough on their own …
Quick debate background:
When: 8 p.m. Thursday
Where: Cleveland
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Channel: Fox News
Who: Republican presidential candidates facing off will be front-runner Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Chris Christie and John Kasich.
Who else: There’s literally not enough room on the stage for all the Republican candidates to debate at the same time, so before the prime-time event featuring the men mentioned above, these candidates will gather to debate at 4 p.m. on Fox News: Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, George Pataki and Jim Gilmore.
RedEye’s GOP primary debate drinking game:
*Disclaimer: Given that Trump is the current front-runner and overly verbose, he may or may not appear more often on this list than other candidates. We couldn’t resist. Also, considering 4 p.m. miiiight be a little early to hit the sauce, we focused on the prime-time debate only. Your boss will thank us.
Drink every time:
>>Any candidate gives out another candidate’s phone number
>>You mistake one male Republican candidate for another male Republican candidate
>>Donald Trump says, “Haters and losers”
I would like to extend my best wishes to all, even the haters and losers, on this special date, September 11th.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 11, 2013
>>Marco Rubio awkwardly takes a sip of water
>>Mike Huckabee compares President Obama to Hitler
>>Donald Trump proclaims how rich he is
>>A candidate calls to defund Planned Parenthood
>>Chris Christie is forced to defend his diet and workout habits
>>Donald Trump mentions Marco Rubio’s Latino background
>>Ted Cruz steals a gun from the audience and cooks a pork product on it
>>Any candidate asks Ben Carson if he also thinks race, like homosexuality, is a choice
>>Jeb Bush tries to say being a “Bush” is a good thing
>>Any other candidate says Jeb Bush being a “Bush” is actually a very bad thing
>>Scott Walker name-drops “Kohl’s” and how often he shops there or uses his “Kohl’s Cash”
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>>Any candidate quotes a Founding Father but, in reality, is making it up
>>John Kasich tries to appear less liberal by referencing his old Fox News show, “Heartland with John Kasich”
>>Any candidate references Chris Christie’s “Obama hug” from Hurricane Sandy
>>Ted Cruz is forced to talk about his Canadian roots
>>Any candidate calls to repeal Obamacare
>>The moderator has to tell a candidate, “Time is up”