It’s late July, the Bears are in camp, and I’ve heard all these stories before.
“There’s a newness to this group,” Jay Cutler said.
Well of course, Jay. They’re like the 10th group of people brought in to fix you!
New offensive coordinator Adam Gase will definitely work magic with Cutler. Sorry, heard it before.
Now that Cutler has a really good slot receiver (Eddie Royal), he’ll really be able to thrive! (Yawn.)
Hey, look! A strong running game! Cutler is all set to take off!
These are all repeat stories from the past six years. I’m actually bored with it! We got him coordinators. He failed. We got him great receivers. He failed. We got him … I don’t know what else. Oh yeah, we got him his friend Jeremy Bates that one year. That failed! Sorry, Jeremy. You’re now just one on a long list of coaches who failed with Cutler.
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Look, I’ll try to be an optimist. Hey, who knows? Maybe it could all come together this time. Maybe Gase really is that guy. Let’s say he hits all the right buttons, everyone comes through.
Yeah, right. Even if that happened, the Bears would still be 7-9 and no one would think twice about dumping Cutler.
And that’s because, well, we have NO talent on defense. And by no talent I mean none, as in maybe Kyle Fuller and Pernell McPhee. The rest is just guesswork. In other words, still hideous. I said I’d try.
Yes, it still feels like 7-9. I love the new coaches. Love ’em. Real bona fide, proven NFL coaches.
And they have no talent on defense. Sorry, it’s true. Going to be a long season.
To ease your pain, both baseball teams are alive. Here come the White Sox! Someone sprinkled magical fairy dust on them! They’re unstoppable!
Playing subpar teams will do that, but come on! .500 is within reach! Mediocrity means playoffs!
I’m sorry, but I have no choice but to follow them. I’m emotionally invested!
For legal reasons, I can’t say what I did with that fairy dust, but it’s in my system now.
Bag Boy is a RedEye contributor.
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