Who told Nabisco that adults don’t like Oreos the way they are?
Nabisco announced Monday that Oreos are getting a new, skinny look. The cookie — “Oreo Thins” — is meant for adults and isn’t meant to be twisted or dunked.
Wait, whaaaaat? When did adults stop twisting and dunking Oreos? I must have missed the memo ’cause I still twist and dunk like a boss.
Nabisco stated the cookie will look like regular Oreos and have a similar cookie-to-filling ratio, but will be slimmer. Four cookies will be 140 calories, compared with 160 calories for three regular Oreos. “Oreo Thins” will be available July 13.
According to the Associated Press, Janda Lukin, senior director of Oreo for North America (that’s a job, guys), said if regular Oreos are like pancakes, Oreo Things would be like crepes.
I’m sorry, what?
But Nabisco hopes to bank on “Oreo Thins.” The cookie debuted to massive financial success in China, generating $40 million in the first eight months, according to the AP. Apparently the new cookie was perfect for the “lapsed” Oreo eater.
Look, Nabisco, I get it. You want to cater to adults. But let’s be real here. You don’t need to make it slimmer to get adults to eat an Oreo. If you’re going to change an already perfect cookie, go big or go home. And Nabisco, you can go big if you add a little booze to your Oreo. You will have no problem getting adults to purchase Oreos. Trust me.
So to save Nabisco the trouble, I came up with a list of 13 boozy-filled center cookies they can add to its lineup:
1.
Baileys Irish Cream
2.
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Cinnamon apple cider
3.
Irish Car Bomb
4.
Pomegranate champagne
5.
Stout chocolate
6.
Caramel whisky
7.
Rum apple
8.
Cognac Butterscotch Pudding
9.
Banana daiquiri
10.
Brown butter rum
11.
Chocolate porter beer
12.
Spiced Bourbon
13.
Peppermint White Russian
Imagine twisting and dunking all of those Oreos. Heaven, right? You are welcome, Nabisco.
Sara Amato is a RedEye designer and loves cookies more than she loves her family.
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