If you’ve recently turned 30-ish, then you’ve probably noticed that you spend more and more time on two particular activities: dining at Chicago’s best upscale brunch restaurants … and giving sad, uncomfortable news to friends and loved ones. I thought I’d share my advice for combining these two very adult activities. Here are four top spots to eat eggs benedict whilst having tense conversations full of loud whispering.
Gather (4539 N. Lincoln Ave.)
Located in Lincoln Square, Gather serves up new takes on brunch classics—and is a warm, cozy place to end a cold, hurtful relationship. Make sure to try their Sunday omelet, filled with fresh asparagus and fontina cheese. And because Gather will be full of the hubbub of young families, no one will ever hear you yell, “Why don’t you look at me when we have sex?”
Dunlays on Clark (2600 N. Clark St.)
I don’t have children, but my friends who do say Dunlays on Clark is the best joint for smoked pork hash—and for telling your kids that you ran over their pet turtle. Also, Dunlays’ outdoor patio lets people bring their dogs, which allows you to make the valid point that a dog is a real pet, unlike a goddamn turtle.
Weather Mark Tavern (1503 S. Michigan Ave.)
If you’re brunching in the South Loop, Weather Mark Tavern’s endless mimosas will finally give you the courage to tell your wife that you actually haven’t seen her favorite movie, “Captain Phillips.” You’ll feel wave after wave of relief knowing that you didn’t have to pay for each mimosa. And that you no longer have to try and identify your spouse’s constant Captain Phillips quotes.
Lula Café (2537 N. Kedzie Ave.)
Ladies, the outdoor patio at Logan Square’s Lula Café is the perfect spot to tell your mom that you are on the run from the law for accidentally funding a dog fighting league. Keep mom’s horror to a minimum with tempting dishes like the almond brioche French toast, complete with rhubarb compote and sour cream!
Tim Dunn has performed with Second City Theatricals, The iO Theater and The Upstairs Gallery.