Happy spring, folks. Here are some short advice questions and answers to get you sprung (or convince you to go back into hibernation, as it were). If you’re hankering for more quick `n’ dirties, read winter’s edition at redeyechicago.com.
Help! I’m in my first relationship and I’m worried I’ll [bleep] it up. How do I play it cool?
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Don’t. None of us know what we’re doing. We’re all faking it! Luxuriate in all of your awkward authenticity. But also, probably don’t text so much. Wheeeeeee.
When does Facebook stalking become creepy?
Around the time you’re asking a stranger on the Internet for advice about it.
I am a well-endowed man …
I’m going to stop you for a minute. As your trusted adviser, I would encourage you to lead with something else. Your well-endowed sense of compassion, perhaps? Your well-endowed knowledge of fruit bats? Your pick.
… who feels more appreciated for my body and not my personality or intelligence. How can I get a little respect around here?
You probably should stop wearing the Borat swimsuit on dates. Oh, or don’t date people who don’t respect you.
How come a lot of lesbians won’t date a bisexual girl?
Fear. Stereotypes. A bad past experience with a bisexual. Jenny Schecter. Don’t worry though, you don’t have to date those lesbians.
What do women want?
More episodes of “Orange is the New Black.” Pay equity. A Chipotle burrito WITH THE TORTILLA BECAUSE EFF THAT BULL[BLEEP] BURRITO BOWL. More time to herself. More time with you. Silence. More piggyback rides (high heels are tiny feet-guillotines of awful). Less mansplaining. More manscaping. Clothing with some goddamn pockets. (While we’re at it — standardization of clothing sizes: Why am I a 6 in one brand and a 12 in another?) An end to systemic racial oppression. Channing Tatum. SOMEONE WHO TEXTS BACK. The abolishment of eyelash curlers (tiny eye-guillotines of awful). Less media dedicated to making us feel crappy about our bodies. Sex. Big love. Big dreams. Big sandwiches.
Want to ask Anna an anonymous question about love, sex or dating? Email your quandary to [email protected]. Need to give your dating life a boost? Sign up for RedEye Dating.