I have fat clothes and I have thin clothes.
OK, OK, I’ll come clean: I have fat clothes and I have less-fat clothes.
I’ve never been thin. But I’ve always wanted to be. If I could look like anybody whoever lived it would be Gary Cooper, that long and lean Western icon.
But I’m not, and never have been, Gary Cooper.
Throughout my life I’ve embarked on many a diet. I’ve even exercised. So, there have been periods in which I have been thin. OK, OK, less fat.
And during these periods I have had to re-wardrobe myself to accommodate my thin (OK, OK, less-fat) self.
But as all portly people know, nothing lasts forever, especially weight loss.
I always knew that sooner or later I would gain back weight, which is why I never got rid of my fat clothes. Nor, once I gained weight did I throw out my thin (less-fat) clothes. Because portly people live in hope that they will some day, somehow, be able to shed that weight. Then those less-fat clothes would come in handy.
The result of a lifetime of up-and-down dieting is that I have a lot of clothes. Many of these clothing items are out of fashion. To be honest, many items were out of fashion when I initially wore them. Not that I have a dozen leisure suits or bell-bottoms. Still, they are clothes I no longer want to wear, fat or thin.
What to do with them? Give them away, obviously.
There are many fine charities that I assume would accept my clothes. Here’s another one: Oak Park’s public works department is working with the Epilepsy Foundation of Greater Chicago to collect old clothes. The clothing can be of all types — including shoes, bags, belts, hats, towels and linens — and in any condition.
There is plenty of time for you to agonize over what to donate. Items collected can be dropped off from 9 a.m. to noon on April 18 at the public works garage, 201 South Blvd.
Donations will be sent to developing nations and repurposed.
Donors also may arrange for the Epilepsy Foundation to pick up donations from residences.
For more information go to http://www.epilepsychicago.org, or http://www.donateillinois.org.
I just have to figure out what to donate: Should I give thin (less fat) clothes and just give up on losing weight?
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Or should I donate Fat clothes because hope springs eternal?
You thin people don’t know how easy you have it. And why, all of a sudden, do I want a Snickers?
Paul Sassone is a freelance columnist for Pioneer Press.