Social scientists have lamented the impersonality of homes with backyards. They discourage friendliness, researchers said. No one gets together on rear patios the way they once did on old-fashioned front stoops, they said.
They obviously never saw Ellen and Eddie Dettling’s backyard, which may not only provide the definitive rebuttal to that claim, but proof that some of the hottest fun – and warmest friendships – flourish in the coldest weather.
The Wilmette couple turned their Greenwood Avenue rear lawn into a massive ice rink – the perfect winter kid magnet. In doing so, they’ve also turned their home into a do-it-yourself social club for grown-ups.
What began as a relatively modest effort 12 years ago, when the former Chicago residents moved north, has become, in the words of family friend Paul Pasin, “very much the hub of this little village neighborhood.”
“They are so wonderful,” friend Marilyn Urrutia agreed. “Literally, their front door is open to everyone. People come and go, all ages, and the family is so welcoming.”
Take Feb. 22 as an example.
On that particular sunny Sunday afternoon, half a dozen adults, most of them dads or moms who’d accompanied their kids to the rink, chatted in the Dettling kitchen or around the fire pit that kept the chill pleasantly at bay beyond the glass doors connecting patio to kitchen.
At one corner of the patio, Eddie Dettling stood grilling burgers and brats, then serving them to all comers. He had been doing it since people started arriving in the morning, and he’d continue until they left.
That could be well after dark, thanks to the lights strung up around the rink. Saturday was a 12-hour affair, Ellen Dettling said.
“After all, you’ve got to embrace winter,” she said as she watched the rink action.
More than a dozen kids skated around the impressive L-shaped ice rink that runs the breadth of the Dettling’s property and bends around the garage – the largest they’ve built in the 12 years since they moved from Chicago, she said. Today, it spills into the yard of neighbors Marina and Dan Hartnett, something they don’t mind at all.
“They wanted it to be larger, but we can’t push too far into their yard without running into their back steps,” Ellen Dettling explained.
At least two hockey scrimmages were in full swing on the Dettling rink, one with a puck, one with a yellow rubber ball. Neither was particularly serious. That was fortunate, since 8-year-old sisters Kit and Lucy Kirkendall were unsteadily inching their way across the rink.
As they did, 16-year-old Cole Dettling broke away from the hockey action to squire Kit and Lucy around. A few minutes later younger brother Mac, 14, would do the same thing. That didn’t surprise Rich Kirkendall, who said the Dettling boys often babysit his girls.
The on-ice civility was welcome and more than a little amazing, since the only hard and fast rules the Dettlings make for skaters are minor, like bans against lifting hockey sticks in play. There are no equipment rules, although one or two of the boys wear helmets.
Ellen Dettling said she isn’t worried about safety, possibly because there were so many adults present to keep an eye on things.
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Many, like Chris Vallace or Marilyn and Steve Urrutia, are parents from the extended communities of St. Francis Xavier School and Loyola Academy, which the Dettlings’ six children attend. Some, like Paul and Jane Pasin, are friends from around the east Wilmette neighborhood.
A lot of the adults were initially drawn to the rink on Greenwood Avenue by their offspring, but stayed because of friendship, adding to the camaraderie themselves.
“Last weekend, someone brought a huge pot of chili over to share with everyone,” Marilyn Urrutia remembered. “This place brings that out in everyone.”
It also speaks of the tremendous trust between the grown-ups; they let their children come over without worry, even dropping them off, secure in the knowledge that they’re in a safe place.
The kids themselves practically live at the Dettlings, once the rink goes up in January, barring winter thaws or truly deadly vortex chills. This year, they’ve enjoyed it longer than usual, Eddie Dettling said with satisfaction: “We’ll definitely make it into March.”
If children arrive without skates, they can simply visit one of the Dettlings’ mud rooms, where they’ve amassed a staggering number of skates — at last count, 60 pairs, many of them pairs that older children outgrew. Kids can simply rummage around until they find a set that fits them.
Fourteen-year-old Matthew Urrutia, scarfing down a burger between rink runs, said, “This is the best place. We’re here weekends and after school, kind of every day.”
Robert Langill, who like Matthew attends St. Francis with several Dettlings, agreed: “I’ve been here every day for the past three days. I stay about four hours every day.”
Asked if they ever help the Dettlings out, Langill, Cole Dettling and two other friends crowded together around the fire pit and looked at each other, hamburgers in hand.
“We shovel sometimes. And we clean up all the food. We make sure there’s none left,” Langill said with a straight face.
Both Dettlings have loved the winter for years. Ellen, who owns a staffing company, grew up in Glen Ellyn and remembers winters spent on Lake Ellyn.
Her husband grew up on ice skates in Cleveland. Even when they lived on the north side of Chicago, they managed to stuff a sliver-thin rink in their side-yard.
“Here we could do so much more,” Ellen Dettling said.
So what happens in the spring? Do the friendships melt away with the rink? Not at all, the Dettlings and others gathered Feb. 22 said. They simply take the fun to Gillson Beach, where many of them sail.
But there’s a certain something about a sunny February Sunday, spent outside in 24 degree weather, next to a home-made ice rink.
“There’s no place I’d rather be right now,” Ellen Dettling said, smiling.
Twitter: @pioneer_kathy