For $75, the interior designer was supposed to look at my kitchen and help me decide on paint or wallpaper, and how to make the space more efficient.
But first, she proceeded to tell me everything else that needed changing in our house.
“It looks like no grown-ups live here. Move the children’s artwork somewhere else,” she ordered. “Get rid of the clutter by the front door.”
She couldn’t help herself, she said. “Everything is connected. Each room flows into the next.”
I practically slammed the door behind her. But truly, I get it.
When considering a much-needed house project — a new floor — I simply can’t focus on the floor alone. My mind insists on throwing in extraneous criticism about the need for new kitchen cabinets and countertops, and carpet for that matter, and the fact that the sink leaks and there’s no disposal and the leftovers in the refrigerator need to be thrown out, and how come no one bothered to feed the dogs today?
Which sends me to thinking about the elder dog’s arthritis and how he won’t use the ramp I bought him. And maybe my mother could use the ramp, and maybe we need to forget the whole flooring idea because our dogs’ claws will destroy it anyway.
And then, I can’t contemplate new flooring, because all these other issues need to be resolved first. And it’s an all-or-nothing proposition.
The floor decision waits another day.
Is this typical only of women, or do men think the same way? My husband can seriously consider replacing the floor, just the floor, he says, without plunging into a vortex of internal drama.
This is an age-old subject that provokes quarrels and provides fodder for comedians. It is why a Wisconsin pastor and marriage speaker, Mark Gungor, draws so much applause and laughter in a popular YouTube video.
“Men’s brains are made of boxes,” he says. “The rule is, the boxes don’t touch. When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box. … We discuss only what is in that box.”
More Top Picks 3
Women’s brains, he continues, “are made up of a big ball of wire and everything is connected to everything. … It’s like the Internet highway.”
He continues with self-deprecating humor to explain that a man’s favorite box is the “nothing box,” which enables them to do absolutely nothing for hours on end — like fishing.
Of course, nothing about our brains is that simple or stereotypical. Some of my girlfriends believe they can multi-task better than any man, and yet another says her husband doesn’t understand why she can’t cook dinner and follow a movie at the same time.
Scientific research indicates that men’s brains are larger than women’s and that the physical structure differs as well. But many other conclusions about how the genders differ, brain-wise, remain controversial.
Factors such as the age and number of men and women studied, hormone differences and environmental influences still raise more questions than answers. Recent research has disputed earlier conclusions that men and women process language differently.
“Among adults, what is less controversial is the fact that the left parietal cortex associated with spatial abilities and math on the whole tends to be more active in men than women,” said Douglas Burman, a neuroscientist and project manager for Evanston Hospital’s department of radiology.
“Even there, however, there is a recent report that says if you actually do training on special activities like a video game … for maybe 20 hours, those differences disappear.”
Burman has spent his career identifying the relationship between brain activity and cognitive function. In his own studies, he has found gender differences in how children process information while doing tasks. He concludes that some of those differences should persist with age.
The activity in language areas of the brain was greater in girls during simple word tests, and this activity reflected their accuracy in answering questions regardless of whether they read or heard words.
“For boys it was completely different,” said Burman.
The boys’ accuracy in answering questions reflected their brain activity in visual areas when reading words, while brain activity increased in auditory areas when listening to words, he said.
He suggested that this finding might have practical applications. For example, parents could help boys reinforce their learning through vision and hearing, such as reading a storybook aloud while the boy looks at the pictures.
Just because males and females think differently doesn’t mean one is superior. It does mean that both must figure out how to use thinking patterns to our best advantage, and accept whatever mindset we own as a gift.
That designer might have been right about a lot of things, but it doesn’t mean I told her I followed most of her suggestions.
Maybe I’ll invite her back to look at the floor.
Twitter @LisaBChiTrib