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It seems like everything is decorated for the holidays this year.
That’s almost true. The CTA announced last week a new holiday bus to complement its annual holiday train
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. Then there’s this special Christmas Divvy. And of course, darn near everything on Michigan Avenue is decked out in lights.But still there’s a few more things that could use a little sprucing up for the holidays, and we’re here to suggest them to the city.
Author’s note: Yes, all these are illustrations hastily photoshopped by me, Mick Swasko, RedEye Holiday Decorations reporter.
1. Holiday street sweepers
We’ve already ticked off buses and trains. Let’s start vomiting holiday spirit on more obscure city vehicles. Even though the sweepers get a break during winter, it would still be nice to see them get into the holiday spirit, even if just a little.
2. Festive Trump Tower
Come on, the damn thing is ugly enough as it is, so why not really cheese it up with a gigantic 800-pound bow? Shoot, the Donald probably has plenty of those oversized bows we put on top of cars anyway.
3. Christmas parking meters
Maybe it would make things just a little more cheery if we dressed up one of the most terrible, awful, evil features of Chicago in some holiday garb.
4. Holiday parking tickets
Speaking of parking meters, let’s Christmas up our parking tickets while we’re at it. Yeah, they’ll still suck, but they’ll be even easier to see with a bow. It would be even better if the meter maid left their recipe for gingerbread cookies inside the envelope, just to be nice.
5. Holiday potholes
We’re going to add a bajliion more potholes this year. Might as well make them pretty.
6. Christmas police horses
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These guys have to wander around in the freezing cold carrying someone on their back, they should look fancy as heck for the season.
7. Crown fountain Santa
Who cares that the fountain doesn’t spray water in the winter? We’d like to see snow and ice shoot out of Santa’s jolly old mouth.
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